Jonathan Franzen, Cranky Curmudgeon, Hates Twitter, Gets Tweeted About

Via Galleycat:

Jonathan Franzen, known gossip, seems to be on a quick trip toward Old Mansville, where he will retire to a rocking horse and only do things the hard way, and condemn all the young people for their use of automobiles and dialing telephones. He hates eBooks! He hates sex! And he hates the way you whippersnappers are always boiling your thoughts down to 140 characters. Pfft. 140 characters. Jonathan Franzen blows his nose and more than 140 characters come out.

During a speaking engagement last night at Tulane, writer Jami Attenberg took down some choice Franzen quotes, and then blogged about them. And thank heavens she did! Here's the part that's got literary nerds buzzing (emphasis is mine):

It’s a free country. People can do whatever they want within the law, and even some things not within the law…I personally was on Facebook for two weeks as part of a piece of journalism I was writing — it seemed sort of dumb to me. Twitter is unspeakably irritating. Twitter stands for everything I oppose…it’s hard to cite facts or create an argument in 140 characters…it’s like if Kafka had decided to make a video semaphoring The Metamorphosis. Or it’s like writing a novel without the letter ‘P’…It’s the ultimate irresponsible medium.

Naturally, there was only one thing to do: take to Twitter. And thus, #JonathanFranzenHates was born.

Some of my favorites so far? Here's a short list.

• #JonathanFranzenHates sliced bread. Bake your own, don't use labor-saving modern convenience!
• #JonathanFranzenHates when the couple on HGTV House Hunters buy the townhouse instead of the mid-century ranch.
• #jonathanfranzenhates the nightlife. He hates to boogie.
• #JonathanFranzenHates Tang. It's just Orange Juice being dishonest.

You, too, can join the fun on the unspeakably irritating medium here. 

Image via Pontificia Universidad Católica de Chile on Flickr (which, doubtlessly, #JonathanFranzenHates--missing vowels are not to be joked about. They are serious business.)

Freedom: A Novel

Author: Jonathan Franzen

Price: $4.06

Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux (2010)

Binding: Hardcover, 576 pages