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Colony 24
How It Rates
Description
In a post-apocalyptic North America, super-human hunters are all that stand between the colonies and deadly, mutated animals. Braya and her team are just one of many sent to dispatch the mutations and protect the weak and fragile humans.
Comments
I dug it. Not perfect, but vivid description and intriguing story. Thumbs up.
I really enjoyed this story! It was well written and easy to follow. It could have been revised once more to reduce certain excessive wording [for example: "I said without a shred of humility." I think it should be enough to just say "I said" here; "A boy, almost a man really," I believe "really" is not necessary].
The story left me wondering a lot about the world and events - as a short story should do - but I kind of wish there was something more happening. I got really excited when the boy showed up, you did that scene really well, and I guess my thirst for more is just proof that you succeeded in your story. Well done!
Regards, Fredrik
The story was great, but it could use some extra revision. It was pretty good, though.
The story was great, but it could use some extra revision. It was pretty good, though.
The story was great, but it could use some extra revision. It was pretty good, though.
The story was great, but it could use some extra revision. It was pretty good, though.
Thanks folks. Agreed, not my best work. I was very pressed for time to finish it by the deadline (life got in the way last month), and I intend to rework it when I have the time. :)
This was good, I liked that I had no idea where it was going and I loved the scene with the boy/man seeing them and Braya's wondering why the human didnt seem like they had been described. Lots of potential here. Thumbs up!
This is well written, with a few interesting twists and turns. It may ruin the surprise, but I'd have liked to have known more about what the team look like. It was hard to picture come the end, though it may ruin the surprise a little when the human comes on the scene. This is more of an incident than a story, and like Fredrik I'd have liked to have read a little more. A more defined story arc would have been good. Thumbs up from me though.
An interesting, fast paced read. This is another one where I found myself wanting more! You did a pretty good job with your characterization, though they are a bit stereotypical. It would have been interesting to explore their interactions a more. I'm not quite sure what was going on with the ending there. Humans changing? It would be a good idea to elaborate a bit more on why teams like this one exist and why normal humans can't seem to stomach their methods.
Excellent work!