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Comments
Sara, I read the story and enjoyed it overall. The use of clones as our species' main form of reproduction is pretty interesting, and I thought you did a fairly good job of getting us into the head of your protagonist. I also enjoyed the mother's characterization as the anti-government conspiracy theorist. I definitely detected traces of Fahrenheit 451.
The pacing seemed a little uneven. While the beginning was a little slow, I felt like the end started rushing too quickly. Based on your word count, I'm guessing that you started running out of space and were trying to cram in the rest of the story into less words than you would have liked.
My suggestion would be to try to draw out the end a little bit more by cutting out a bit of the beginning. I'm not really sure where, but after a big buildup as to what the Ziow were and what their intentions were, you sort of just tell us at the end, and then solve the government problem a few paragraphs later. If you can cut anything that doesn't directly relate to the story or describe the setting in a significant way necessary to the telling of the story, it'll free up some space for the story itself. There's quite a bit of exposition that, while interesting, doesn't really matter by the end of the story (ie, about the electrical fire).
Nitpicks:
I would prune through your story and try to remove some of the dashes you favor so much. It gets a little distracting when there are three or four in a single paragraph. Just as well, I thought some of your word capitalizations were a little odd (Communication Device).
I also thought you might consider referring to Mr. Chet as "Dr. Chet", unless that clashes with your story, considering he is a chief scientist. Mr. Chet seemed rather awkward and rather countered his credibility to me as a serious scientist (which maybe was the point).
Overall, I thought it was a good story. I just would have liked to see a little bit more at the end as far as resolving the actual conflict that was set up in the beginning. It seemed a little too easy to be believable, but I don't think it would take too much to fix. Just keep the waves of opposition coming at Janina.
This is quite long for what it delivers, I think some editing is required. Think about what is and isn't needed - I don't have a problem for example with meteorites that float, but I do with meteorites that weigh 1000lbs and float...
Other similar issues are : why is everyone initially worried? Excited, amazed, yes, worried only when it is apparant it is an invasion.
What does the cloning of humans add to the story? Do clones have "sisters", "mums"? What is Nico a clone of? Tell us more, integrate it more, or think about dropping it! (Being wired in doesn't require a clone, so you can still have her scannable etc)
If we are to feel the same tensions and passions as the narrator, then I think you need to work on the whole "she knows she is special" - it doesn't endear her to us, and makes it a "Oh so she's the hero, so of course it all works out". It makes it all too easy for her. Somehow she even ends up fixing the greyness of the cities and resolving the relationship with her mum - FAR too easy!
Also, avoid where you can the tell - like the fire that destroyed DC. Is this actually needed in the story anyway?
She's a scientist. A scientist would tell us why her hair is now purple?!
The best parts, are the mum being a conspiracy theorist, and the group behaviour of the Ziow. Concentrate on these, I think, you definitely have a story in there on that basis. I'd like also to know exactly why the Ziow feel earth isn't suitable (is it because it would appear we've depopulated the oceans?). And some revelation about the Ziow biology would help - you have them aquatic, and also flying fast enough to try taking blood by someone on a powered bike.
There are some good ideas in here, but it's all resolved just a little too easily. Janina's story arc needs perhaps a larger story, as her transformation is just a little too quick. The ending comes across as rushed. The invasion angle is fine, Janina is a good narrator, and the writing is strong. Mother makes for a good character, and a nice counterpoint for the positivity of Janina. You do well to show how she cares about Nico and give the story some heart. There is a lot of good in here, and the story has potential, it just maybe needs novella length to do it justice.
This story has some interesting concepts and the beginnings of a world with a lot of potential. Unfortunately, I think the story doesn't quite "work". I think it comes down to the issue that Adam mentioned: the ending is rushed. Everything from the point where Janina leaves home to go to the beach onward happens too fast and needs more detail to keep the reader immersed.
There's also something about Janina's motivation and expectations that's missing in the story. While I understand that she's a clone in a long line of famous scientists, that doesn't grant her any authority or extra weight in my mind. Without that, even if she may wish that she could make a difference, her actions don't fit.
In particular the encounter she has with an Official feels wrong. Her approach is not one I would expect to work without Janina having some previous vestige of authority or history in bluffing Officials that we don't see. Maybe being seen by the officer from a distance rather than having to argue her way out of that encounter? Especially, if we know that she didn't see him or lost him somewhere in the streets?
Still, it's a good showing. Definitely keep at it! I'd imagine you could get this to work more cleanly with a few thousand more words!