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Really interesting story. I've always been fascinated by those bog men, and you establish the connection of the main character with his sense of the history of place and family very well. I do think you need to do more "showing" and less "telling," though.
I did enjoy the story with a kind of cool folk story element to it. I think you need to build descriptions of the environment and scenery. When the guy does something, dont just use a verb, break down the actions a bit more and add some emotional or thought element to it. Maybe mention mention his facial expressions a bit more to build that. You definitely need to break up your paragraphs more to add some more effect to certain lines or connected elements - break them down into little movie scenes you go through.
Thanks folks, really useful feedback!
I was intrigued by your plot and like the historical quality of the piece. Here is my input on what could make it better, adding to what the others have said.
Light took on an odd quality- needs better descriptor than “odd”.
After 20 minutes, Hugh realized that he was not on the correct trail. The track had curved away from where he knew the car park was and back towards the shore. Hugh had continued on until the track broke out into a clearing and he could see stars begin to push through the blue of the sky as dusk began to fall. The sky seemed different somehow and Hugh was surprised at the brightness of the stars. He decided to walk back the way he had came and when he reached the shore he could follow it back to the marina and then on to the road and then back round to the car park. Tighten up your wording here- description of path is a bit too long.
The boy was filthy and from what Hugh could see, appeared unclothed. “From what Hugh could see” is redundant here.
squinting at the boy, the only adornment Hugh could see on the boy was a necklace threaded upon which Hugh could make out three small stones. The boy stared blankly at Hugh. Hugh opened his mouth to speak to the boy You use the word “boy” four times here. See if you can reword this section to avoid this.
The first sense that returned to Hugh was pain Pain isn’t a sense, but a sensation.
I’d also work a bit on the last line; it doesn’t seem final. Is there a strike? He’s waiting, but if it’s going to come, you need to make it happen here.
I was left wondering why this happened to Hugh now, since he’s had the necklace for so long. Is this his first time here since childhood? Is he here on a date or at a time of particular importance?