Hey, 

I liked this a lot! I really enjoyed the strangeness of it, and I liked the parallel stories of what the narrating character thinks is real and what Buzz tells him is real - that was very clever. 

I think you could edit it down a bit though. There were parts which were overwritten - where you make the same point too many times. Trust in your readers more to understand what you're saying the first time around. 

As an example: "The Cliff, like the end…the edge, and all the people who have gone over." You could cut that whole line because I understood why it was nicknamed The Cliff. 

I think the ending could be a bit stronger too. But overall, I really enjoyed it! :D

The informal tone of your story is a good one. The unreliable narrator is a format well-suited to science fiction and particularly to stories where there are multiple classes/species being in conflict are depicted. The overall struggles between the character and his "event with God" leave me wondering if we are ever sure what is going on or if this is all in his mind. Judging from the title, "Hypnagogia" I think we are supposed to wonder if he is dreaming the whole thing anyway. In that way, the piece succeeds.

But I found the recursive speaking pattern, the constant repeating of certain refrains to be distracting, pushing me out of the story when a particular phrase reappears so soon after seeing it introduced just a paragraph earlier.

There’s radiation in the walls of our apartment building, at least that’s what Buzz tells me. Buzz has been around these parts since the sixties, longer than I’ve even been alive. He lives in a section of the building called “The Cliff.” He says everyone calls it that because there have been so many murders and suicides on his floor over the years. The Cliff, like the end…the edge, and all the people who have gone over. Really there have been murders and suicides all up and down this building, just The Cliff’s are more memorable, I guess. Someone blows themself or someone else away every couple weeks here. It’s just that kind of place. That’s why Buzz swears there’s radiation in the walls, making everyone crazy.

This introductory paragraph repeats itself too often. This kind of speech, which may be an affectation you wanted to show a person being easily distracted or fragmented in their understanding of the world, it does not read well for very long. Could the piece be salvaged? Yes, trim repeated words which appear sooner than five sentences away. Decide if the sentence is even necessary if you have already made the point earlier. Repeating is okay if you are trying to make a particular point. In the paragraph above, the lead sentence, as far as I am concerned is the take-away point, you want to leave the paragraph with.

There’s radiation in the walls of our apartment building, at least that’s what Buzz tells me. He's been around these parts since the sixties, longer than I’ve even been alive, living in a section of the building called “The Cliff.” He says everyone calls it that because there have been so many murders and suicides on his floor over the years. They just go over the edge; someone blows themself or someone else away every couple weeks here. It’s just that kind of place. Buzz swears there’s radiation in the walls, making everyone crazy as hell.

Given that the main character believes he and his friend Buzz have both wakened God and driven him back to unconsciousness using AK-47s, crazy as hell would just about cover it.

Keep writing, you have a strong voice. It will get better with practice.

Okay, so this is a really interesting Bizarro story. But I'm not sure I would call it SciFi so much. I really liked the voice and the humor especially. I also didn't see any dystopia/utopia aspects in the story since the whole thing just took place in the apartment complex. If you wanted to edit to fit the dystopia/utopia you have over a thousand words to spare to maybe mention that. But up to you of course. Otherwise one of the more unique stories in the challenge for sure.