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craig_dewey's picture

The Bridge

By craig_dewey in Scare Us

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Description

A young woman is trapped in a haunted covered bridge in rural Pennsylvania.

Comments

Jane Wiseman's picture
Jane Wiseman from living outside of Albuquerque/in Minneapolis is reading Look to Windward by Iain M. Banks July 19, 2012 - 8:52am

Good story. I liked the characters and all of the details that make them come alive (and...er...dead), and the whole scene in and around the bridge, which you make very vivid. I like the monster, too. He's so matter-of-fact and placid. The contrast between him-- just going about the business of doing what monsters do--and his hysterical and/or witless victims seems very real to me.

Dennis's picture
Admin
Dennis from Los Angeles is reading Necroscope by Brian Lumley July 19, 2012 - 8:05pm

Good job, buddy. I loved the violence and immediacy of this story. I also liked how you used the geography of such a small location well.  How things like the interior car light, the locks on the doors, the slots on the bridge, etc, all played out as strong elements in the action.  I also thought the creature was very original.  My only critique is that I would have liked to know more about the backstory.  You mention an Amish kid hanging himself here, and the bridge being haunted because of it.  But then the creature is some sort of walking, humanoid Donkey monster, which, yes, is pretty sick.  But I'm not sure how it ties into the hanging.  Gimme more! :)

saintkeeley's picture
saintkeeley from Baltimore is reading Either/Or July 25, 2012 - 11:24am

Great concept, but at times I felt a little confused about the action.  Maybe give a little of the back story of the bridge and the characters as dialogue, then let the action unfold?  There's a lot of information to process and this might keep the story a little more streamlined.