Utah
from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtryMay 7, 2012 - 6:45am
Typewriter, have you begun writing this story yet?
Typewriter Demigod
from London is reading "White Noise" by DeLilo, "Moby-Dick" by Hermann Mellivile and "Uylsses" by JoyceMay 7, 2012 - 8:05am
No, I haven't/
Moderator
Utah
from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtryMay 7, 2012 - 8:19am
Well, look at it like this. You've gotten a bunch of feedback on your ideas, much of it good, plus you've evolved your ideas a bit yourself. Now, if you continue this conversation, there will be even more ideas. We could talk about this thing for years. You throw stuff out, people post their yeas and nays. You throw out more stuff.
Norman Mailer wrote this book I'm reading. Some agent and publisher looked at it and said, "Yes, we'll cut you a nice, fat check for this." If Mr. Mailer had sent it to me first, for me to vet his ideas for the plot and narrative, I would have told him, "Norm, this thing sounds like a gigantic piece of shit. Do not write that book. It will be a dismal failure and all your friends will abandon you for disappointment." Because that's what I feel about his book. And, had he followed my advice, Mailer would not have written his final novel and received his paycheck.
There comes a point when you need to stop looking at advice and pre-criticism and just get to work. You have reached that point with this idea. In fact, now that I've been hearing about it for a couple weeks, I will be very disappointed to see this thing never come to fruition.
The bottom line is that none of the rest of us are going to write this book. It's yours. Make your decisions and go and worry about the criticism later. Many of us will be happy to nudge you along if you come to a sticking point or help you through a review process when you're done.
So what remains is that you need to get going writing your book. Fuck what I think about it, or what Grig thinks about it, or what Dwayne thinks about it. There are very good points to consider in forming your plan, but now you need to put all that aside and rely on yourself for awhile.
Write your book.
Typewriter Demigod
from London is reading "White Noise" by DeLilo, "Moby-Dick" by Hermann Mellivile and "Uylsses" by JoyceMay 7, 2012 - 8:25am
Ok, I will. But not yet, since I have exams.
Thanks everyone for the aweomse help :)
It's great that you guys spend a LOT of time thinking about my writing and tbh I'm charmed
Moderator
Utah
from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtryMay 7, 2012 - 8:29am
Word.
Dwayne
from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updatedMay 8, 2012 - 6:19am
I need this story to have a romantic subplot, because I can't write an onanic tale which resides firmly in the narrator's head and nowhere else. 1)Then just give him a normal girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever. He meet someone cute who was nice to him, and THAN they started to hang out. You have enough going on with the dead/dying brother of a 19 year old assassin. The stab fetish lady of the night thing is just clutter. 2)Even if you did leave out the romantic subplot it can still be action driven story. You got him performing hits, planing the hits, dealing with crazy/evil people who want to hire him to do the hits, getting paid, and visiting his little brother's grave/hospital bed. Two chapters on each (getting paid might only be like 1/2 a chapter but how does a 19 year old explain huge amounts of cash and no steady pay check?) and a day in the life chapter and you got half your novel right there.
If the dead brother thing is supposed to make us like him, it fails. I have a dead brother at a young age, and frankly it seems like it's just another sob story to be a jerk. No, it's not. It's his driving force. His dead brother makes him get up in the morning. Expand on that, is it some how his fault? Did he expose the kid to something that gave him cancer/made it worse/denied treatment? If not, why is he taking it so hard? Most people cry a lot and go on with life.
He isn't cool..." Yes, that's right. He isn't cool. And why would anyone waste a prostitute by playing X-Box with her? In this this part of North America it is common in the vernacular for "and than" to simply be expressed as "and". Sorry for any confusion. Like I said, it's okay if he isn't cool. But it should just be who he is. The current incarnation seems to beat the oddness of character over the reader's head.
Rob all the joy of his life, now that is a story. In the proto-draft of this story, his brother is still alive but has cancer and he feels neglected by his parents and kills people to pay for the medical upkeep. I'm not sure if I should bring that back. It works better as reason for his brother to be the center point of his life if he is alive. The character, as presented, just doesn't flow.
They come across like you want to shock the reader, and that is just about impossible these days. That wasn't intended. I just want to give the reader something new. There is nothing new under the sun. Don't worry about new, worry about awesome.
The whole write/think thing isn't binary. Write a chapter. Once it gets flowing you know more about the character. Maybe you'll know what's next, maybe you'll spit ball some more. Either is fine. Just break out the word file/pen/paper/typewriter/whatever and get started. If you get a lot going great. If not you can come back to the drawing board.
Dwayne
from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updatedMay 8, 2012 - 4:16pm
Read through it and I have one question before I settle in for a review. In all seriousness, is this piece supposed to be funny? Because it is, and that's not a bad thing if it's what you were aiming for.
Dwayne
from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updatedMay 9, 2012 - 5:56am
It has elements of humor in it to lighten up the horrific parts that come later.
Typewriter Demigod
from London is reading "White Noise" by DeLilo, "Moby-Dick" by Hermann Mellivile and "Uylsses" by JoyceMay 9, 2012 - 7:25am
Dwayne, your story is fun. I think the narrator has ADD.
Moderator
Utah
from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtryMay 9, 2012 - 8:47am
@Dwayne: I'm glad you no longer look like a pig in your avatar photo.
Dwayne
from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updatedMay 9, 2012 - 9:00am
@Utah - Be careful what you say about my dog. I'm not what you would call 'rational' about this.
@Typewritter - He has PTSD, hence the over developed startle reflex at the flag.
Moderator
Utah
from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtryMay 9, 2012 - 9:04am
@Dwayne, I would never criticize a man's dog. I would, however, criticize his picture-taking skills. And in your first avatar picture of your dog, you made him look like a pig. If I were your dog, I would be disappointed in you and ask you to delete that photo.
Dwayne
from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updatedMay 9, 2012 - 9:14am
Better Utah, but you're still no Idaho.
Moderator
Utah
from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtryMay 9, 2012 - 9:15am
Yes I am.
Dwayne
from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updatedMay 9, 2012 - 9:18am
Then Utah is a lie.
Moderator
Utah
from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtryMay 9, 2012 - 9:24am
Penalty. Below the belt, Mr. Tyson. Judges, deduct a point from your score cards.
avery of the dead
from Kentucky is reading Cipher SistersMay 9, 2012 - 9:30am
No, come on guys. We all know.
Idaho
Dwayne
from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updatedMay 9, 2012 - 10:15am
Hey I almost said it when I saw that your location was Texas, but I let it slide. But when you said you were Idaho, well you can be Utah or you can be Idaho, and once you been one you'll never be the other. I'm sorry that's just how it is... Idaho.
As an aside, does anyone have any idea what obscure reference I'm making here? Because I promise it's not the state.
Moderator
Utah
from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtryMay 9, 2012 - 10:57am
I admit I am at a loss. What is this reference? Or was it something I said to you during snuggle time? Because things I say during snuggle time do not count!
Dwayne
from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updatedMay 9, 2012 - 11:28am
Dude you can joke about having sex with me, that's cool whatever. You can joke about me being a dog, that's odd but no big deal. What you can't do is joke about me being a dog and THAN joke about having sex with me because that implies I have dealings with people who have sex with dog/human hybrids. And that happens in Twilight, and I won't talk to someone pretending to be Bella.
Utah
from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtryMay 9, 2012 - 11:58am
Joke?
Clutch
from Detroit Metro Area now living in Charlotte, NC is reading "The Spooky Art" by Norman MailerMay 9, 2012 - 12:56pm
THAN?
Dwayne
from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updatedMay 9, 2012 - 7:34pm
If I'd been there in real life I'd have raised my voice on that part. And if you're the real life gay man version of Bella, die nameless.
Moderator
Utah
from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtryMay 9, 2012 - 8:21pm
If you had taken this attitude during snuggle time, I wouldn't have been so gentle with you.
Dwayne
from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updatedMay 9, 2012 - 9:12pm
Let's be frank, I was the one who wasn't gentle.
Moderator
Utah
from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtryMay 10, 2012 - 12:58pm
We can't both be the same person. You be Frank. I've never liked that name. I'll be Donovan.
I love role playing.
Dwayne
from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updatedMay 11, 2012 - 5:28am
I'll be Zod, from the Superman movie.
Moderator
Utah
from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtryMay 11, 2012 - 5:44am
Excellent! I'll be that weird clown doll from the Saw movies. Complete with miniature tricycle. I'll ride around while a tape-recorded voice says stuff.
avery of the dead
from Kentucky is reading Cipher SistersMay 11, 2012 - 6:05am
Typewriter, have you begun writing this story yet?
No, I haven't/
Well, look at it like this. You've gotten a bunch of feedback on your ideas, much of it good, plus you've evolved your ideas a bit yourself. Now, if you continue this conversation, there will be even more ideas. We could talk about this thing for years. You throw stuff out, people post their yeas and nays. You throw out more stuff.
Norman Mailer wrote this book I'm reading. Some agent and publisher looked at it and said, "Yes, we'll cut you a nice, fat check for this." If Mr. Mailer had sent it to me first, for me to vet his ideas for the plot and narrative, I would have told him, "Norm, this thing sounds like a gigantic piece of shit. Do not write that book. It will be a dismal failure and all your friends will abandon you for disappointment." Because that's what I feel about his book. And, had he followed my advice, Mailer would not have written his final novel and received his paycheck.
There comes a point when you need to stop looking at advice and pre-criticism and just get to work. You have reached that point with this idea. In fact, now that I've been hearing about it for a couple weeks, I will be very disappointed to see this thing never come to fruition.
The bottom line is that none of the rest of us are going to write this book. It's yours. Make your decisions and go and worry about the criticism later. Many of us will be happy to nudge you along if you come to a sticking point or help you through a review process when you're done.
So what remains is that you need to get going writing your book. Fuck what I think about it, or what Grig thinks about it, or what Dwayne thinks about it. There are very good points to consider in forming your plan, but now you need to put all that aside and rely on yourself for awhile.
Write your book.
Ok, I will. But not yet, since I have exams.
Thanks everyone for the aweomse help :)
It's great that you guys spend a LOT of time thinking about my writing and tbh I'm charmed
Word.
I need this story to have a romantic subplot, because I can't write an onanic tale which resides firmly in the narrator's head and nowhere else. 1)Then just give him a normal girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever. He meet someone cute who was nice to him, and THAN they started to hang out. You have enough going on with the dead/dying brother of a 19 year old assassin. The stab fetish lady of the night thing is just clutter. 2)Even if you did leave out the romantic subplot it can still be action driven story. You got him performing hits, planing the hits, dealing with crazy/evil people who want to hire him to do the hits, getting paid, and visiting his little brother's grave/hospital bed. Two chapters on each (getting paid might only be like 1/2 a chapter but how does a 19 year old explain huge amounts of cash and no steady pay check?) and a day in the life chapter and you got half your novel right there.
If the dead brother thing is supposed to make us like him, it fails. I have a dead brother at a young age, and frankly it seems like it's just another sob story to be a jerk. No, it's not. It's his driving force. His dead brother makes him get up in the morning. Expand on that, is it some how his fault? Did he expose the kid to something that gave him cancer/made it worse/denied treatment? If not, why is he taking it so hard? Most people cry a lot and go on with life.
He isn't cool..." Yes, that's right. He isn't cool. And why would anyone waste a prostitute by playing X-Box with her? In this this part of North America it is common in the vernacular for "and than" to simply be expressed as "and". Sorry for any confusion. Like I said, it's okay if he isn't cool. But it should just be who he is. The current incarnation seems to beat the oddness of character over the reader's head.
Rob all the joy of his life, now that is a story. In the proto-draft of this story, his brother is still alive but has cancer and he feels neglected by his parents and kills people to pay for the medical upkeep. I'm not sure if I should bring that back. It works better as reason for his brother to be the center point of his life if he is alive. The character, as presented, just doesn't flow.
They come across like you want to shock the reader, and that is just about impossible these days. That wasn't intended. I just want to give the reader something new. There is nothing new under the sun. Don't worry about new, worry about awesome.
The whole write/think thing isn't binary. Write a chapter. Once it gets flowing you know more about the character. Maybe you'll know what's next, maybe you'll spit ball some more. Either is fine. Just break out the word file/pen/paper/typewriter/whatever and get started. If you get a lot going great. If not you can come back to the drawing board.
In the interests of full disclosure http://litreactor.com/workshop/sub/perfect-assassin-chapter-1-protestors
@dwayne, I'll give it a looksie
It has elements of humor in it to lighten up the horrific parts that come later.
Dwayne, your story is fun. I think the narrator has ADD.
@Dwayne: I'm glad you no longer look like a pig in your avatar photo.
@Utah - Be careful what you say about my dog. I'm not what you would call 'rational' about this.
@Typewritter - He has PTSD, hence the over developed startle reflex at the flag.
@Dwayne, I would never criticize a man's dog. I would, however, criticize his picture-taking skills. And in your first avatar picture of your dog, you made him look like a pig. If I were your dog, I would be disappointed in you and ask you to delete that photo.
Better Utah, but you're still no Idaho.
Yes I am.
Then Utah is a lie.
Penalty. Below the belt, Mr. Tyson. Judges, deduct a point from your score cards.
No, come on guys. We all know.
Idaho
Hey I almost said it when I saw that your location was Texas, but I let it slide. But when you said you were Idaho, well you can be Utah or you can be Idaho, and once you been one you'll never be the other. I'm sorry that's just how it is... Idaho.
As an aside, does anyone have any idea what obscure reference I'm making here? Because I promise it's not the state.
I admit I am at a loss. What is this reference? Or was it something I said to you during snuggle time? Because things I say during snuggle time do not count!
Dude you can joke about having sex with me, that's cool whatever. You can joke about me being a dog, that's odd but no big deal. What you can't do is joke about me being a dog and THAN joke about having sex with me because that implies I have dealings with people who have sex with dog/human hybrids. And that happens in Twilight, and I won't talk to someone pretending to be Bella.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duncan_Idaho
Joke?
THAN?
If I'd been there in real life I'd have raised my voice on that part. And if you're the real life gay man version of Bella, die nameless.
If you had taken this attitude during snuggle time, I wouldn't have been so gentle with you.
Let's be frank, I was the one who wasn't gentle.
We can't both be the same person. You be Frank. I've never liked that name. I'll be Donovan.
I love role playing.
I'll be Zod, from the Superman movie.
Excellent! I'll be that weird clown doll from the Saw movies. Complete with miniature tricycle. I'll ride around while a tape-recorded voice says stuff.