Wendy Hammer
from Indiana is reading One Night in SixesSeptember 27, 2013 - 10:52pm
Yes! That's the one. Perfect.
SRead
from Colorado is reading StoriesSeptember 28, 2013 - 5:17pm
Haha, nice one, Richard.
Wendy, getting to read your stories has been one of the highlights of all the classes we've taken. I'm looking forward to more!
mamckeown
from the midwest is reading Virgins: A NovelSeptember 29, 2013 - 2:20am
My current WIP started as a joke, and ballooned into a series of books. I keep trying to stop coming up with ideas but when your main character is a victim of child abuse, turns sixteen, discovers his childhood friend wants to date, but he develops a split personality after being sexually molested by his father. Things go from bad to worse pretty fast. The genre starts out teenage love story and quickly dives into transgressive fiction.
The worst part of this young man's life? His body is going through changes. One morning he wakes up a boy, the next a girl. He comes to grips with what is happening while his childhood best friend does her best to help him/her along the way.
The story pushes gender identity roles, while lacing the interactions with humor. Being sixteen is hard enough, but can our main character pull off a crash course in being a girl?
Perhaps the working title will give you an idea:
Little Did He Know.
Linda
from Sweden is reading Fearful Symmetries September 30, 2013 - 1:36am
I love this thread, great idea Sound!
SamaLamaWama, that's amazing, 85k is probably 60k more than I've manage since Teleport Us.
I'm back to writing on a deadline and it does wonders for my productivity, but my mind, which is deliberate (sounds better than slow) has a hard time keeping up and organizing things. When this happens, I revert back to writing from colors, which seems to be my most primitive source of inspiration. This is the color combination for my current project.
The first story is in the workshop now. I plan to stick with the same colors for three more. Oh, and I've been listening a lot to Nick Cave and co's Push the Sky Away
voodoo_em
from England is reading All the books by Ira LevinSeptember 30, 2013 - 5:58am
This is the color combination for my current project.
^ I love that
& @Sam ~ thanks :)
SConley
from Texas is reading Coin Locker BabiesSeptember 30, 2013 - 6:12am
@Richard
That's the story i was going to send to the Exigencies anthology but it got too big in my head.
avery of the dead
from Kentucky is reading Cipher SistersSeptember 30, 2013 - 8:14am
In a random bout of I'm not sure what, I pulled out a story I wrote during WAR2. It's about a guy who takes on the role of Santa Claus for adults, breaking into homes and leaving shoes and houseplants. I hadn't looked at it since that round of WAR (which I lost). Turns out I like the idea. I'm going to try and make that one better.
L.W. Flouisa
from Tennessee is reading More MurakamiSeptember 30, 2013 - 9:28pm
I'm just testing with this. I'm not sure how much I'm suppose to share.
1. Title: My Hands Raised Up, I Crouch
Target Audience: Older New Adult
Status: Forteenth Draft Complete
Lo-Co: If you could go into others dreams for a profit, at what cost?
Log line: Set two years in the future, a marketing consultant selling in-tel in a wireless connection, must decide at a moments notice whether or not to take a bullet for his estranged wife, when his CEO decides to have his hit men perform a strike on his life.
I just finished the prologue to my Grim Reaper Adventure.
voodoo_em
from England is reading All the books by Ira LevinOctober 1, 2013 - 1:56am
@Avery ~ I liked that one. You should also do the one about the women who weren't androids, if you weren't already.
Sound
from Azusa, CA is reading Greener Pastures by Michael WehuntOctober 1, 2013 - 5:46am
I have a question for you guys. I just received my 23 day personal rejection from Shimmer. It was the first and only market I had this particular story out to and it was shortlisted. SO, knowing that this is such a hard market to break into (.30% acceptance) should I 1.) tweak it based on their feedback or 2.) don't mess with it since it was shortlisted at such a hard market, maybe another editor will see past Shimmer's issues.
This story, since it's a WIP again, is about a boy who loses his mother, who dies, and his father to grief. He rushes out into the shore and meets Charybdis who pulls him into a great whirlpool, and almost dies. But the Charybdis feels a connection with the boy and together they venture out into the fathest reaches of the ocean, the boy to escape his grief, and the Charybdis to escape its isolation with the boy. It's titled "The Boy and The Charybdis"
They said the voice was in the "Shimmer vein" and they liked the concept, but felt the use of small details rather than big abstractions (grief, loss) would've helped the story. Smaller issues were word choices and phrasing.
What would you guys do? Edit, or leave it alone? :)
L.W. Flouisa
from Tennessee is reading More MurakamiOctober 1, 2013 - 5:54am
One thing I do, is to outline some of the suggestions they have made. Then outline the suggestions another prominent one makes, And then see if each comment has some commonalities. And then I decide whether to edit it from that.
One is in a particularly tricky situation if they use different than standard punctuation. I'm not sure if thats your issue though, so heres is a huge bucket of salt to take it with.XD
Oh, does anyone know how you would pace a novel, or reveal information? At lot of my problem is I seem to reveal important scenes to quickly. I might reveal something in scene 2, what should be in chapter 2. For something like a novel, this could really effect pacing. But I can't seem to get to chapter 2, because I revealed everything in one.
SConley
from Texas is reading Coin Locker BabiesOctober 1, 2013 - 6:03am
When it comes to editing stories for me, it depends on how much i like in the story. Like if you prefer big abstractions over the smaller details, then stick to your guns. Then just fix the word choices and phrases since those are smaller edits.
voodoo_em
from England is reading All the books by Ira LevinOctober 1, 2013 - 6:13am
@Sound ~ how do you feel about your story? One thing you could do is save a separate draft of your story and edit to add the smaller details like shimmer suggested. Maybe leave both versions to sit for a week or so and then go back to them and see how you feel about the changes. Might be you prefer them, might be you don't.
At the end of the day go with your instincts, if you really love it the way it is, send it out as it is (with the few minor fixes) to other markets, after all: it got shortlisted and thats awesome.
Linda
from Sweden is reading Fearful Symmetries October 1, 2013 - 6:51am
^What she said. It seems like a matter of preference on shimmer's end, and it's likely to be a matter of preference wherever you send it, so I think you might as well go with what you like best.
Tim Johnson
from Rockville, MD is reading Notes From a Necrophobe by T.C. ArmstrongOctober 1, 2013 - 7:09am
@Sound, reading everyone's comments, I'd like to add that eliminating abstractions is not an uncommon preference. Personally, I am not a fan of abstractions in prose. They often can be beautiful and poetic, but in fiction, I find they can also be vague, which can interfere with telling your story and undercut its power.
If getting into Shimmer is your goal, consider that. Are your abstractions creating a barrier?
It's hard for me not to advise you to take Shimmer's suggestions and work them into the story. Not only do you stand a good chance to get into a super exclusive market, but (and I hesitate to say this without reading your work) I feel it would strengthen your story.
Of course, I agree with everyone that you should be the judge. If you're happy with it as is, leave it and submit it elsewhere. Don't compromise if you don't agree with the criticism.
avery of the dead
from Kentucky is reading Cipher SistersOctober 1, 2013 - 7:10am
@Em - I have worked and worked on the story about the women who were NOT androids. And I have had it rejected more than I like to admit. It's one of my favorite stories, it just hasn't found it's home yet.
Sound
from Azusa, CA is reading Greener Pastures by Michael WehuntOctober 1, 2013 - 8:06am
Thanks guys. I'm going to take a hard look at it this evening and go from there. I plan on submitting two other WIP to Shimmer in the near future, "Bones Of The Old Society" and "To The Necropolis, Margot Comes". Both, I think, have less of thatabstract foggy feel. Who knows, maybe one will get in.
SRead
from Colorado is reading StoriesOctober 1, 2013 - 8:39am
I'm coming to this late, and you have brilliant advice already, but I'll chime in with mine. Give it a week or so without looking at it, and then trust your gut with what changes you feel would strengthen the story. And congratulations on the shortlist! That in itself is fabulous.
Sound
from Azusa, CA is reading Greener Pastures by Michael WehuntOctober 1, 2013 - 8:57am
Truth is, I like the foggy quality of this story. Reads like a fable. I'm going to give it a week, sit on it, and then decide. This also gives me time to think of potential homes.
I think I could use beta readers. I exchange stories with JR occassionally, but I hate bugging him all the time :)
Tim Johnson
from Rockville, MD is reading Notes From a Necrophobe by T.C. ArmstrongOctober 1, 2013 - 9:14am
I'd be happy to read it. I haven't checked anything by you out yet. I don't read Shimmer, though, so I wouldn't be able to speak to that.
Sound
from Azusa, CA is reading Greener Pastures by Michael WehuntOctober 1, 2013 - 9:27am
Sure, PM me your email address and I'll send it your way.
Richard
from St. Louis is reading various anthologiesOctober 1, 2013 - 9:30am
if you like it, stick with it. it's really up to YOU at this point. if you think they are making some good observations, i don't see how some added little details would make it LESS enjoyable. your call. let me know if i can help in any way. and congrats. Shimmer is TOUGH. i used to get personal rejections, then forms, then hate mail. jk. but i haven't cracked that market yet. i may be blackballed. good luck!
Sound
from Azusa, CA is reading Greener Pastures by Michael WehuntOctober 1, 2013 - 9:51am
Thanks, Richard. I'm going to keep at it until I get in. Wish I had something to send them asap. :)
SRead
from Colorado is reading StoriesOctober 1, 2013 - 10:26am
I'd love to beta for you, Matt.
Sound
from Azusa, CA is reading Greener Pastures by Michael WehuntOctober 1, 2013 - 10:41am
Cool. I'll forward it along shortly. Thanks! :)
I'd be happy to reciprocate if you need ever need a reader.
SRead
from Colorado is reading StoriesOctober 1, 2013 - 10:43am
I may just take you up on that, thanks. :)
L.W. Flouisa
from Tennessee is reading More MurakamiOctober 1, 2013 - 7:18pm
As a side note, I'm writing a formula outline for the reluctant hero's journey. Which places more of an emphasis on the partial exceptance in the heroe's journey. It strays a bit from the heroe's journey, by being a list of things I would like to subvert.
MattF
from Tokyo is reading Borges' Collected FictionsOctober 1, 2013 - 8:03pm
@Sound: I once received criticism on a story from the New Ohio Review about certain threads not connecting clearly enough. The same story made the final editorial round at Electric Literature who sent me the editor's positive feedback: they loved how the threads worked off each other without insisting on one right interpretation. Two editors at two great magazines with diametrically opposed opinions on the story.
Never change your story on one editor's feedback. The most important thing is to know your story and believe it is the very best you can make it right now. In five years you'll be a better writer and might change your mind--but it's your story, your blood, and you should feel strongly about every decision you make.
voodoo_em
from England is reading All the books by Ira LevinOctober 2, 2013 - 2:10am
@Avery ~ Oh :(
Don't give up on it (or burn and delete all copies.....) I really like it, you'll find the right place for it
avery of the dead
from Kentucky is reading Cipher SistersOctober 2, 2013 - 4:59am
I think I will, yeah. I have a different publication coming out in November that I'm excited abuot, so I'm trying to remember that not everyone hates me. :)
voodoo_em
from England is reading All the books by Ira LevinOctober 2, 2013 - 6:12am
Awesome, congrats on that :)
Kristi
from Connecticut is reading Anything I can get my hands on!October 9, 2013 - 10:06am
This is a snippet several chapters into the middle of the YA Dystopian Novel I am currently working on... it is not vague at all...it is an actual passage. "The Spark" (my working title) is based loosely on Nikola Tesla Peace Ray (being human). My heroin Tess is just now finding out (on her birthday) that her adoptive parents have kept a HUGE secret from her and that she is unlike anyone she has ever met! . I have no formal training other than the college prep courses I took in High School which being 15 years ago doesn't lend me too much! If you like it let me know if you don't tell me how I can improve...Here goes nothing!
“Dear, we have something to give you.” Mrs. Blakely says hesitantly “Sit down... and please try to understand.” There is a worrisome look in her eyes. My heart begins to race, what could I possibly need to understand? I look at her with a befuddled uneasy smile, I fumble through the ribbon and open the box. Mr. Blakely begins to speak. “These are the things we found with you when you came to us.” My eyes go wide, my heart breaks into a million pieces. Eighteen years of trust and love seem to vanish in a flash, eighteen years of not knowing, of wondering, of asking questions, and not a word until now?
Betrayal.
His words stab me in the heart over and over again an immense pain fills my chest. I start to weep uncontrollably.
“How could you keep this from me? You found these with me? Eighteen years ago? So many times I asked you about my family and so many times you told me you knew nothing, ALL LIES! So many nights I cried myself to sleep wondering if I would ever know who I really am....”
My words trail off as I look inside the box. There is a tattered blanket soft and white with beautiful pale pink embroidered letters, one word Tesla.
I pull it from the box and burying my face in it, as if the scent of my parents may still linger after eighteen years. As the blanket slides over the edge of the box two more items that were nestled inside fall out. One a beautiful and elaborately designed solid brass puzzle box, and the other and large envelope bearing the same word. “It’s where we got your name, “ is all Mrs. Blakely manages her hands are shaking.
I turn the envelope over a red wax seal binds it shut, the stamp bears the same mark I have under my collar bone. I turn it over and over again in my hands faster and faster it has yellowed with age, eighteen years... eighteen years of secrets kept. My eyes go cold, daggers fly at the two of them.
“How dare you?” I roar as the rage builds walls around my heart shutting out the only family I have ever known. This is a feeling I have never felt, so intense I can’t control it. My whole body begins to convulse and the envelope falls from my fingers. The shear amount of electricity gathering in the air is palpable. I can feel my hair lifting, standing on end as the static is drawn toward me. My head twitches and jerks more violently now. I can feel my eyes rolling back in my head so hard it hurts.
“Oh God, make it stop.” I moan. “What is happening to me?” I try to make it stop, then I try to scream, to pray, but my jaw is locked shut. I can feel heat burning up the right side of my neck, pulsing at the emblem, running white hot electrical currents straight to my brain then coursing through my body. As the current to leaves my body arcing to the silverware on the counter. Mrs. Blakely screams,“Tess you have to control yourself!”
“Control myself?” A broken, wailing, guttural voice that is not my own manages to break through my clenched teeth as I double over in pain. My hands fly forward and the globes on the brass sconces over the hearth explode, shattering into a million tiny shards of resentment as arcs fly from my fingertips. Mr. and Mrs. Blakley cower in the corner of the room. Trembling, their lips are moving but I can’t hear the words over the buzz of electricity coursing into my brain. Then a burst of energy, a shock wave pulses through the house, glasses and plates propped in the drain board break as a perfectly cylindrical halo of brilliant blue light encircles my body, pushing out, then dissipating. The world goes black and I fall to the floor.
Tim Johnson
from Rockville, MD is reading Notes From a Necrophobe by T.C. ArmstrongOctober 9, 2013 - 12:06pm
Cool concept. I'm a little unsure about Tess' reaction, though. Knowing nothing about her, I would expect anger wouldn't be the immediate reaction, but maybe confusion, denial, and pain would be. I wonder if you can ratchet the conflict up a bit more (and maybe you have and I'm just not seeing it in this excerpt) by messing with the conditions under which this revelation is made. Maybe someone dies and Tess missed an opportunity to connect with that person. Maybe even she just finds it on her own. I need something else to understand her anger.
Kristi
from Connecticut is reading Anything I can get my hands on!October 9, 2013 - 4:26pm
There is actually a whole back story that leads up to this moment... a good portion of the beginning of the book. This is a huge turning point, I just didn't want to show my entire hand! I'm really concerned about writing style... and also the fact that I am usually grammatically and punctuationlly inept doesn't help{ but that's what editors are for right?} I don't want the stay at home mom brain bleeding into my work or to sound like a 13 year old girl is writing the story! {sorry to all the 13 year old girls on the site!} I'm glad that it sounds interesting! I have asked a few close friends who ae super book snobs that have told me "honestly" what they think but sometimes I wonder if even my most brutally honest friends are afraid of crushing my dreams. If anyone is interested in learning the back story or reading what I have so far or even crushing my dreamsI welcome you, let me know! Thanks a bunch!
L.W. Flouisa
from Tennessee is reading More MurakamiOctober 10, 2013 - 4:22am
I'm presently plotting a dark slipstream project, and tend to discover plots threads as I outline rather than through writing the whole book. That way if a plot thread doesn't go anywhere, I can just reoutline it until its perfect.
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup
from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck WendigOctober 10, 2013 - 1:12pm
So much cool horror and sci-fi in this thread that I kind of want to have a really awkward group hug. Good thing that's not possible.
So I forgot about this thread for awhile, which lead to me taking notes as I went through so I wouldn't miss anything I wanted to say (except I'm sure I will anyway).
Voodoo_em -- yes! The head in the jar story was mine, I'm glad you liked it. I am embarrassed to admit that I haven't gotten around to sending it out. I've had a couple of my WAR2 stories get accepted, but oddly not any sci-fi (I'm working on a rewrite requested by a cool market on another sci-fi story, but I wrote that in a class, not during WAR or in the workshop).
Bob-- the idea of a chemical/drug/etc that could turn someone into a vampire is REALLY interesting to me. I do also like the 'no backstory' idea, but then you kind of have to answer how he knows how to turn people, right?
Sound-- you got great feedback already, but I'll just add -- from what I have seen Shimmer has REALLY specific tastes and reject a lot of work that ends up in great journals. Unless something they said really resonates with you, I'd leave it the way it is and see what other markets think of it.
Avery -- You KNOW I love that Santa story... I can't wait to see what you do with it. And also: fuck everyone who rejected the NOT androids story because they are obviously morons.
Bob Pastorella
from Groves, Texas is reading murder books trying to stay hip, I'm thinking of you, and you're out there so Say your prayers, Say your prayers, Say your prayers October 10, 2013 - 1:28pm
Bob-- the idea of a chemical/drug/etc that could turn someone into a vampire is REALLY interesting to me. I do also like the 'no backstory' idea, but then you kind of have to answer how he knows how to turn people, right?
@Renee--Funny you should mention this just as I was coming here to update my WIP. I think I've figured it out, but it does take away from the 'anyone can do it' aspect just a little. I've been researching near death experiences and found out about Lazarus Syndrome, a real phenomenon when dead people come back to life for reasons unknown, often hours/days after being pronounced dead. 38 known cases world-wide.
What if you could do this repeatedly?
What if you brought something back with you when you came back, something they put inside you?
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup
from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck WendigOctober 10, 2013 - 2:52pm
Oh yeah, I've read about that. It would be a cool thing to explore, especially with that second question.
L.W. Flouisa
from Tennessee is reading More MurakamiOctober 14, 2013 - 8:41am
I'm about half way through Indigo Spacers at the moment. I'm not really sure what genre you would call it. I just sort of call it Dark Slipstream, mostly because although it's a contemporary story it takes on some features of science fiction and fantasy. If you could dream up anything you wanted in dreamspace, what weapons will you warp into for revenge?
Of course that's a simplificaiton, but that's what I'm going with.
Edit: Ok, finished the second draft.
Dwayne
from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updatedOctober 14, 2013 - 1:05pm
I did about 500 words today, feeling good.
Thuggish
from Vegas is reading Day of the JackalOctober 19, 2013 - 1:43pm
@Bob
I have to say, this is the first concept dealing with Vampires since Dracula that is intriguing. Very intriguing, in fact. If you publish it as a book, I'll buy it.
Sound
from Azusa, CA is reading Greener Pastures by Michael WehuntOctober 19, 2013 - 2:17pm
So I've been working on my story, "Bones Of The Old Society."
This story follows Paulson, The advisor to the king, who must complete a set of tasks by his employer, (including killing the king who he has grown to like, and placing a nuclear weapon capable of destroying a continent in his employershands) if he wants to see his wife again. As the story progresses he grows to doubt The Motherland, his home and employer, will follow through on their agreement and if his wife, who he has left behind, will even take him back should she find out what he did.
This is an odd story for me. I'ts part fantasy with sci fi elements while the setting is seemingly in the past. There are chunks of it in the "Post a Paragraph" thread.
Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, my last WIP "To The Nexropolis, Margot Comes" was devoured and resulted in three smaller stories. I still plan on writing it, but it might change a bit.
L.W. Flouisa
from Tennessee is reading More MurakamiOctober 20, 2013 - 4:40pm
I'm still working on the two world map layers at the moment. I'm not sure I'll have time for Nano.
Bob Pastorella
from Groves, Texas is reading murder books trying to stay hip, I'm thinking of you, and you're out there so Say your prayers, Say your prayers, Say your prayers November 1, 2013 - 8:21am
My current WIP is shifting back. I've put a lot of thought into the story, settings, characters, scenes, and yet, the characters aren't talking to me. At least one of the characters has to speak up before I can write this version of the story, and the ones that have said anything are being very vague. Too vague to move forward. Definitely not blocked, this is part of the process: Idea gels into story gels into characters gels into scenes gels into characters telling me what they want to do.
Going back to my series character, Beck, who works for some nasty people as a hitman. Beck has a terrible secret, one that's going to force him to leave his current employer soon. One just doesn't quietly slip away from the business, as retirement usually means 'sleeps with the fish'.
After watching The Conjuring, an idea popped into my head from one of the lines in the film, about how evil latches on to people. See, Beck is a special kind of hitman. There's a whole world of monsters out there, and his job is to eliminate them. There's no shadowy network of assassins, just him and his partner, who just happens to be a vampire. Beck's employers will soon learn that the best thing to kill a monster, is another monster.
So this is what I'm going to be working on for the time being.
Sound
from Azusa, CA is reading Greener Pastures by Michael WehuntNovember 3, 2013 - 2:42pm
Cool Bob. Any movement on that vampire project?
Finished my current WIP "Bones Of The Old Society". It's the longest piece I've written in a very long time at almost 6000 words. If anyone would like to be a beta reader and let me know what they think I'd very very thankful, and would gladly return the favor if needed. :)
Now I'm in the mood for nothing but flash projects. Got some ideas but nothing started so I'll be back to talk more about those when I start writing.
Wendy Hammer
from Indiana is reading One Night in SixesNovember 4, 2013 - 4:46am
I'm using NaNo to push my lame ass into actually writing my second novel length manuscript. I'm not sure if it will stay Dark Fantasy or tip into full-on horror. I expect I'll let the first big confrontations and action scenes be my guide there.
I've been working on short stories lately so it's been a slow move back over into the long form. I should probably be a little ashamed that it took finding a working title and a tentative name for the main bar in the story for me to really get the story going--but...
This is basically my public peep for accountability. I've let this story fester too long without doing anything about it. At least I've put down 5,000 words of very rough draft.
Looks like there are lots of really cool projects in the works. Good luck everyone!
L.W. Flouisa
from Tennessee is reading More MurakamiNovember 4, 2013 - 10:58pm
About half way with my Dreampunk project, I just need 3k more. I can already tell it's going to need tons of revision, but almost 10K at the moment.^^
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup
from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck WendigNovember 6, 2013 - 4:31pm
Sarah -- I've never heard the term "dreampunk"... what is it?
I'm about to start revisions on the above mentioned sci-fi novel, but in the meantime I'm writing something completely different that I'm enjoying but unsure what I plan to do with it... as long as it's fun to write I guess what happens to it later is less an issue.
L.W. Flouisa
from Tennessee is reading More MurakamiNovember 8, 2013 - 2:31pm
I ended up finishing the first half. Its looking like I may have to re-time track the second half. I'm not sure at what point I'm introduce tacking, it's gone a bit differently from what I expected.
Bob Pastorella
from Groves, Texas is reading murder books trying to stay hip, I'm thinking of you, and you're out there so Say your prayers, Say your prayers, Say your prayers November 20, 2013 - 5:43pm
Hit a slump, trying to get back into the groove.
I spend too much time worrying about structure of my stories to actually write shit down, and I'm definitely trying to break myself from those rounds of endless second-guessing that just lead down the path to nowhere.
Going at it old school, which is basically start at the beginning, like far back, just take a character and create a history that will probably get cut out, but I need to do it. The slump will not win.
Yes! That's the one. Perfect.
Haha, nice one, Richard.
Wendy, getting to read your stories has been one of the highlights of all the classes we've taken. I'm looking forward to more!
My current WIP started as a joke, and ballooned into a series of books. I keep trying to stop coming up with ideas but when your main character is a victim of child abuse, turns sixteen, discovers his childhood friend wants to date, but he develops a split personality after being sexually molested by his father. Things go from bad to worse pretty fast. The genre starts out teenage love story and quickly dives into transgressive fiction.
The worst part of this young man's life? His body is going through changes. One morning he wakes up a boy, the next a girl. He comes to grips with what is happening while his childhood best friend does her best to help him/her along the way.
The story pushes gender identity roles, while lacing the interactions with humor. Being sixteen is hard enough, but can our main character pull off a crash course in being a girl?
Perhaps the working title will give you an idea:
Little Did He Know.
I love this thread, great idea Sound!
SamaLamaWama, that's amazing, 85k is probably 60k more than I've manage since Teleport Us.
I'm back to writing on a deadline and it does wonders for my productivity, but my mind, which is deliberate (sounds better than slow) has a hard time keeping up and organizing things. When this happens, I revert back to writing from colors, which seems to be my most primitive source of inspiration. This is the color combination for my current project.
The first story is in the workshop now. I plan to stick with the same colors for three more. Oh, and I've been listening a lot to Nick Cave and co's Push the Sky Away
^ I love that
& @Sam ~ thanks :)
@Richard
That's the story i was going to send to the Exigencies anthology but it got too big in my head.
In a random bout of I'm not sure what, I pulled out a story I wrote during WAR2. It's about a guy who takes on the role of Santa Claus for adults, breaking into homes and leaving shoes and houseplants. I hadn't looked at it since that round of WAR (which I lost). Turns out I like the idea. I'm going to try and make that one better.
I'm just testing with this. I'm not sure how much I'm suppose to share.
1. Title: My Hands Raised Up, I Crouch
Target Audience: Older New Adult
Status: Forteenth Draft Complete
Lo-Co: If you could go into others dreams for a profit, at what cost?
Log line: Set two years in the future, a marketing consultant selling in-tel in a wireless connection, must decide at a moments notice whether or not to take a bullet for his estranged wife, when his CEO decides to have his hit men perform a strike on his life.
I just finished the prologue to my Grim Reaper Adventure.
@Avery ~ I liked that one. You should also do the one about the women who weren't androids, if you weren't already.
I have a question for you guys. I just received my 23 day personal rejection from Shimmer. It was the first and only market I had this particular story out to and it was shortlisted. SO, knowing that this is such a hard market to break into (.30% acceptance) should I 1.) tweak it based on their feedback or 2.) don't mess with it since it was shortlisted at such a hard market, maybe another editor will see past Shimmer's issues.
This story, since it's a WIP again, is about a boy who loses his mother, who dies, and his father to grief. He rushes out into the shore and meets Charybdis who pulls him into a great whirlpool, and almost dies. But the Charybdis feels a connection with the boy and together they venture out into the fathest reaches of the ocean, the boy to escape his grief, and the Charybdis to escape its isolation with the boy. It's titled "The Boy and The Charybdis"
They said the voice was in the "Shimmer vein" and they liked the concept, but felt the use of small details rather than big abstractions (grief, loss) would've helped the story. Smaller issues were word choices and phrasing.
What would you guys do? Edit, or leave it alone? :)
One thing I do, is to outline some of the suggestions they have made. Then outline the suggestions another prominent one makes, And then see if each comment has some commonalities. And then I decide whether to edit it from that.
One is in a particularly tricky situation if they use different than standard punctuation. I'm not sure if thats your issue though, so heres is a huge bucket of salt to take it with.XD
Oh, does anyone know how you would pace a novel, or reveal information? At lot of my problem is I seem to reveal important scenes to quickly. I might reveal something in scene 2, what should be in chapter 2. For something like a novel, this could really effect pacing. But I can't seem to get to chapter 2, because I revealed everything in one.
When it comes to editing stories for me, it depends on how much i like in the story. Like if you prefer big abstractions over the smaller details, then stick to your guns. Then just fix the word choices and phrases since those are smaller edits.
@Sound ~ how do you feel about your story? One thing you could do is save a separate draft of your story and edit to add the smaller details like shimmer suggested. Maybe leave both versions to sit for a week or so and then go back to them and see how you feel about the changes. Might be you prefer them, might be you don't.
At the end of the day go with your instincts, if you really love it the way it is, send it out as it is (with the few minor fixes) to other markets, after all: it got shortlisted and thats awesome.
^What she said. It seems like a matter of preference on shimmer's end, and it's likely to be a matter of preference wherever you send it, so I think you might as well go with what you like best.
@Sound, reading everyone's comments, I'd like to add that eliminating abstractions is not an uncommon preference. Personally, I am not a fan of abstractions in prose. They often can be beautiful and poetic, but in fiction, I find they can also be vague, which can interfere with telling your story and undercut its power.
If getting into Shimmer is your goal, consider that. Are your abstractions creating a barrier?
It's hard for me not to advise you to take Shimmer's suggestions and work them into the story. Not only do you stand a good chance to get into a super exclusive market, but (and I hesitate to say this without reading your work) I feel it would strengthen your story.
Of course, I agree with everyone that you should be the judge. If you're happy with it as is, leave it and submit it elsewhere. Don't compromise if you don't agree with the criticism.
@Em - I have worked and worked on the story about the women who were NOT androids. And I have had it rejected more than I like to admit. It's one of my favorite stories, it just hasn't found it's home yet.
Thanks guys. I'm going to take a hard look at it this evening and go from there. I plan on submitting two other WIP to Shimmer in the near future, "Bones Of The Old Society" and "To The Necropolis, Margot Comes". Both, I think, have less of thatabstract foggy feel. Who knows, maybe one will get in.
I'm coming to this late, and you have brilliant advice already, but I'll chime in with mine. Give it a week or so without looking at it, and then trust your gut with what changes you feel would strengthen the story. And congratulations on the shortlist! That in itself is fabulous.
Truth is, I like the foggy quality of this story. Reads like a fable. I'm going to give it a week, sit on it, and then decide. This also gives me time to think of potential homes.
I think I could use beta readers. I exchange stories with JR occassionally, but I hate bugging him all the time :)
I'd be happy to read it. I haven't checked anything by you out yet. I don't read Shimmer, though, so I wouldn't be able to speak to that.
Sure, PM me your email address and I'll send it your way.
if you like it, stick with it. it's really up to YOU at this point. if you think they are making some good observations, i don't see how some added little details would make it LESS enjoyable. your call. let me know if i can help in any way. and congrats. Shimmer is TOUGH. i used to get personal rejections, then forms, then hate mail. jk. but i haven't cracked that market yet. i may be blackballed. good luck!
Thanks, Richard. I'm going to keep at it until I get in. Wish I had something to send them asap. :)
I'd love to beta for you, Matt.
Cool. I'll forward it along shortly. Thanks! :)
I'd be happy to reciprocate if you need ever need a reader.
I may just take you up on that, thanks. :)
As a side note, I'm writing a formula outline for the reluctant hero's journey. Which places more of an emphasis on the partial exceptance in the heroe's journey. It strays a bit from the heroe's journey, by being a list of things I would like to subvert.
@Sound: I once received criticism on a story from the New Ohio Review about certain threads not connecting clearly enough. The same story made the final editorial round at Electric Literature who sent me the editor's positive feedback: they loved how the threads worked off each other without insisting on one right interpretation. Two editors at two great magazines with diametrically opposed opinions on the story.
Never change your story on one editor's feedback. The most important thing is to know your story and believe it is the very best you can make it right now. In five years you'll be a better writer and might change your mind--but it's your story, your blood, and you should feel strongly about every decision you make.
@Avery ~ Oh :(
Don't give up on it (or burn and delete all copies.....) I really like it, you'll find the right place for it
I think I will, yeah. I have a different publication coming out in November that I'm excited abuot, so I'm trying to remember that not everyone hates me. :)
Awesome, congrats on that :)
This is a snippet several chapters into the middle of the YA Dystopian Novel I am currently working on... it is not vague at all...it is an actual passage. "The Spark" (my working title) is based loosely on Nikola Tesla Peace Ray (being human). My heroin Tess is just now finding out (on her birthday) that her adoptive parents have kept a HUGE secret from her and that she is unlike anyone she has ever met! . I have no formal training other than the college prep courses I took in High School which being 15 years ago doesn't lend me too much! If you like it let me know if you don't tell me how I can improve...Here goes nothing!
“Dear, we have something to give you.” Mrs. Blakely says hesitantly “Sit down... and please try to understand.” There is a worrisome look in her eyes. My heart begins to race, what could I possibly need to understand? I look at her with a befuddled uneasy smile, I fumble through the ribbon and open the box. Mr. Blakely begins to speak. “These are the things we found with you when you came to us.” My eyes go wide, my heart breaks into a million pieces. Eighteen years of trust and love seem to vanish in a flash, eighteen years of not knowing, of wondering, of asking questions, and not a word until now?
Betrayal.
His words stab me in the heart over and over again an immense pain fills my chest. I start to weep uncontrollably.
“How could you keep this from me? You found these with me? Eighteen years ago? So many times I asked you about my family and so many times you told me you knew nothing, ALL LIES! So many nights I cried myself to sleep wondering if I would ever know who I really am....”
My words trail off as I look inside the box. There is a tattered blanket soft and white with beautiful pale pink embroidered letters, one word Tesla.
I pull it from the box and burying my face in it, as if the scent of my parents may still linger after eighteen years. As the blanket slides over the edge of the box two more items that were nestled inside fall out. One a beautiful and elaborately designed solid brass puzzle box, and the other and large envelope bearing the same word. “It’s where we got your name, “ is all Mrs. Blakely manages her hands are shaking.
I turn the envelope over a red wax seal binds it shut, the stamp bears the same mark I have under my collar bone. I turn it over and over again in my hands faster and faster it has yellowed with age, eighteen years... eighteen years of secrets kept. My eyes go cold, daggers fly at the two of them.
“How dare you?” I roar as the rage builds walls around my heart shutting out the only family I have ever known. This is a feeling I have never felt, so intense I can’t control it. My whole body begins to convulse and the envelope falls from my fingers. The shear amount of electricity gathering in the air is palpable. I can feel my hair lifting, standing on end as the static is drawn toward me. My head twitches and jerks more violently now. I can feel my eyes rolling back in my head so hard it hurts.
“Oh God, make it stop.” I moan. “What is happening to me?” I try to make it stop, then I try to scream, to pray, but my jaw is locked shut. I can feel heat burning up the right side of my neck, pulsing at the emblem, running white hot electrical currents straight to my brain then coursing through my body. As the current to leaves my body arcing to the silverware on the counter. Mrs. Blakely screams,“Tess you have to control yourself!”
“Control myself?” A broken, wailing, guttural voice that is not my own manages to break through my clenched teeth as I double over in pain. My hands fly forward and the globes on the brass sconces over the hearth explode, shattering into a million tiny shards of resentment as arcs fly from my fingertips. Mr. and Mrs. Blakley cower in the corner of the room. Trembling, their lips are moving but I can’t hear the words over the buzz of electricity coursing into my brain. Then a burst of energy, a shock wave pulses through the house, glasses and plates propped in the drain board break as a perfectly cylindrical halo of brilliant blue light encircles my body, pushing out, then dissipating. The world goes black and I fall to the floor.
Cool concept. I'm a little unsure about Tess' reaction, though. Knowing nothing about her, I would expect anger wouldn't be the immediate reaction, but maybe confusion, denial, and pain would be. I wonder if you can ratchet the conflict up a bit more (and maybe you have and I'm just not seeing it in this excerpt) by messing with the conditions under which this revelation is made. Maybe someone dies and Tess missed an opportunity to connect with that person. Maybe even she just finds it on her own. I need something else to understand her anger.
There is actually a whole back story that leads up to this moment... a good portion of the beginning of the book. This is a huge turning point, I just didn't want to show my entire hand! I'm really concerned about writing style... and also the fact that I am usually grammatically and punctuationlly inept doesn't help{ but that's what editors are for right?} I don't want the stay at home mom brain bleeding into my work or to sound like a 13 year old girl is writing the story! {sorry to all the 13 year old girls on the site!} I'm glad that it sounds interesting! I have asked a few close friends who ae super book snobs that have told me "honestly" what they think but sometimes I wonder if even my most brutally honest friends are afraid of crushing my dreams. If anyone is interested in learning the back story or reading what I have so far or even crushing my dreamsI welcome you, let me know! Thanks a bunch!
I'm presently plotting a dark slipstream project, and tend to discover plots threads as I outline rather than through writing the whole book. That way if a plot thread doesn't go anywhere, I can just reoutline it until its perfect.
So much cool horror and sci-fi in this thread that I kind of want to have a really awkward group hug. Good thing that's not possible.
So I forgot about this thread for awhile, which lead to me taking notes as I went through so I wouldn't miss anything I wanted to say (except I'm sure I will anyway).
Voodoo_em -- yes! The head in the jar story was mine, I'm glad you liked it. I am embarrassed to admit that I haven't gotten around to sending it out. I've had a couple of my WAR2 stories get accepted, but oddly not any sci-fi (I'm working on a rewrite requested by a cool market on another sci-fi story, but I wrote that in a class, not during WAR or in the workshop).
Bob-- the idea of a chemical/drug/etc that could turn someone into a vampire is REALLY interesting to me. I do also like the 'no backstory' idea, but then you kind of have to answer how he knows how to turn people, right?
Sound-- you got great feedback already, but I'll just add -- from what I have seen Shimmer has REALLY specific tastes and reject a lot of work that ends up in great journals. Unless something they said really resonates with you, I'd leave it the way it is and see what other markets think of it.
Avery -- You KNOW I love that Santa story... I can't wait to see what you do with it. And also: fuck everyone who rejected the NOT androids story because they are obviously morons.
@Renee--Funny you should mention this just as I was coming here to update my WIP. I think I've figured it out, but it does take away from the 'anyone can do it' aspect just a little. I've been researching near death experiences and found out about Lazarus Syndrome, a real phenomenon when dead people come back to life for reasons unknown, often hours/days after being pronounced dead. 38 known cases world-wide.
What if you could do this repeatedly?
What if you brought something back with you when you came back, something they put inside you?
Oh yeah, I've read about that. It would be a cool thing to explore, especially with that second question.
I'm about half way through Indigo Spacers at the moment. I'm not really sure what genre you would call it. I just sort of call it Dark Slipstream, mostly because although it's a contemporary story it takes on some features of science fiction and fantasy. If you could dream up anything you wanted in dreamspace, what weapons will you warp into for revenge?
Of course that's a simplificaiton, but that's what I'm going with.
Edit: Ok, finished the second draft.
I did about 500 words today, feeling good.
@Bob
I have to say, this is the first concept dealing with Vampires since Dracula that is intriguing. Very intriguing, in fact. If you publish it as a book, I'll buy it.
So I've been working on my story, "Bones Of The Old Society."
This story follows Paulson, The advisor to the king, who must complete a set of tasks by his employer, (including killing the king who he has grown to like, and placing a nuclear weapon capable of destroying a continent in his employershands) if he wants to see his wife again. As the story progresses he grows to doubt The Motherland, his home and employer, will follow through on their agreement and if his wife, who he has left behind, will even take him back should she find out what he did.
This is an odd story for me. I'ts part fantasy with sci fi elements while the setting is seemingly in the past. There are chunks of it in the "Post a Paragraph" thread.
Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, my last WIP "To The Nexropolis, Margot Comes" was devoured and resulted in three smaller stories. I still plan on writing it, but it might change a bit.
I'm still working on the two world map layers at the moment. I'm not sure I'll have time for Nano.
My current WIP is shifting back. I've put a lot of thought into the story, settings, characters, scenes, and yet, the characters aren't talking to me. At least one of the characters has to speak up before I can write this version of the story, and the ones that have said anything are being very vague. Too vague to move forward. Definitely not blocked, this is part of the process: Idea gels into story gels into characters gels into scenes gels into characters telling me what they want to do.
Going back to my series character, Beck, who works for some nasty people as a hitman. Beck has a terrible secret, one that's going to force him to leave his current employer soon. One just doesn't quietly slip away from the business, as retirement usually means 'sleeps with the fish'.
After watching The Conjuring, an idea popped into my head from one of the lines in the film, about how evil latches on to people. See, Beck is a special kind of hitman. There's a whole world of monsters out there, and his job is to eliminate them. There's no shadowy network of assassins, just him and his partner, who just happens to be a vampire. Beck's employers will soon learn that the best thing to kill a monster, is another monster.
So this is what I'm going to be working on for the time being.
Cool Bob. Any movement on that vampire project?
Finished my current WIP "Bones Of The Old Society". It's the longest piece I've written in a very long time at almost 6000 words. If anyone would like to be a beta reader and let me know what they think I'd very very thankful, and would gladly return the favor if needed. :)
Now I'm in the mood for nothing but flash projects. Got some ideas but nothing started so I'll be back to talk more about those when I start writing.
I'm using NaNo to push my lame ass into actually writing my second novel length manuscript. I'm not sure if it will stay Dark Fantasy or tip into full-on horror. I expect I'll let the first big confrontations and action scenes be my guide there.
I've been working on short stories lately so it's been a slow move back over into the long form. I should probably be a little ashamed that it took finding a working title and a tentative name for the main bar in the story for me to really get the story going--but...
This is basically my public peep for accountability. I've let this story fester too long without doing anything about it. At least I've put down 5,000 words of very rough draft.
Looks like there are lots of really cool projects in the works. Good luck everyone!
About half way with my Dreampunk project, I just need 3k more. I can already tell it's going to need tons of revision, but almost 10K at the moment.^^
Sarah -- I've never heard the term "dreampunk"... what is it?
I'm about to start revisions on the above mentioned sci-fi novel, but in the meantime I'm writing something completely different that I'm enjoying but unsure what I plan to do with it... as long as it's fun to write I guess what happens to it later is less an issue.
I ended up finishing the first half. Its looking like I may have to re-time track the second half. I'm not sure at what point I'm introduce tacking, it's gone a bit differently from what I expected.
Hit a slump, trying to get back into the groove.
I spend too much time worrying about structure of my stories to actually write shit down, and I'm definitely trying to break myself from those rounds of endless second-guessing that just lead down the path to nowhere.
Going at it old school, which is basically start at the beginning, like far back, just take a character and create a history that will probably get cut out, but I need to do it. The slump will not win.