Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner March 9, 2012 - 5:37pm

If only it were true Danny. 

.'s picture
. March 9, 2012 - 5:46pm

I know the troll's favorite color. What an interesting gem of information.

Liana's picture
Liana from Romania and Texas is reading Naked Lunch March 9, 2012 - 5:53pm

omg there are Voyager fans here!!??

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner March 9, 2012 - 6:10pm

<---embarrassed. Yes. Well, all Trek. 

Nick Wilczynski's picture
Nick Wilczynski from Greensboro, NC is reading A Dance with Dragons by George R.R. Martin March 9, 2012 - 6:14pm

I mean, theres a ton of Trek that can be excused... but Voyager? You might as well be into Enterprise. Hell, I like DS9 even, but I won't touch an episode of Voyager.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 9, 2012 - 6:35pm

I liked the theme song from Enterprise.

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner March 9, 2012 - 6:40pm

@AD That was terrible. (the theme song) that's it I take back all the nice things I said about you. Go make me a sandwich. I liked the series though, especially the last season.

@Nick I really, really liked DS9 and I thought Janeway was pretty bad ass, as was 7 of 9. I liked all Trek. 

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 9, 2012 - 6:44pm

Did you just tell me to make you a sandwich?  You motherfucker.  If I didn't have a War story to write, I would go ahead and slaughter your sorry butt in Thunderdome all over again.

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner March 9, 2012 - 6:47pm

Did you just tell me to make you a sandwich?  You motherfucker.  If I didn't have a War story to write, I would go ahead and slaughter your sorry butt in Thunderdome all over again."

Bwhahahaha That is just straight gansta. Yes, I said it. That's how I roll. Don't try and change me. Pretty bad ass though. 

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 9, 2012 - 6:48pm

"That's how I roll."

Like a douche?

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner March 9, 2012 - 6:50pm

Totally. Seriously though that was pretty epic.

Utah's picture
Moderator
Utah from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry March 9, 2012 - 7:21pm

You both totally sound like Chuck Palahniuk right now.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 9, 2012 - 7:23pm

You caught that huh?

aliensoul77's picture
aliensoul77 from a cold distant star is reading the writing on the wall. March 9, 2012 - 7:24pm

Its okay, Matt is just repressing his deepseeded homosexuality. He likes when I spank him with a leather belt and cries like a bitch.

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck Wendig March 9, 2012 - 8:58pm

I'm so happy that Avery isn't Dave anymore.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 9, 2012 - 8:59pm

ME TOO!

Liana's picture
Liana from Romania and Texas is reading Naked Lunch March 9, 2012 - 10:58pm

I met Janeway this past fall...! She was very gracious but I was gushing like a school girl. I'd upload a picture but I haven't figured that out yet.

Janeway and 7 of 9 really kicked ass! Well the show didn't pick up completely until 7 appeared.

But if I have to confess my favorite sci-fi show, it has to be BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, totallyyyy!!! (the new one, not the 70s one).

Dave's picture
Dave from a city near you is reading constantly March 10, 2012 - 12:03am

How did I miss a Trek discussion?  Total trek junkie.  Picard for the WIN.  I like em all, yeah, I said it.  ALL OF THEM.  Roll that up and smoke it!

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner March 10, 2012 - 3:18am

@Danny, ya know......you try to convince me that I am gay so much I am starting to wonder if you're actually gay. 

@Liana, BSG was great TV. I think it worked on a lot of levels. I even have all the soundtracks. I really liked it when they got into the philosophical stuff and the metaphors and such. 

@Dave I am right there with ya. All Trek is awesome. I would say Sisco is my favorite Captain though. 

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 10, 2012 - 8:12am

I started watching Next Generation when I was little and I loved it.  Everything was bright and shiny!!  Then there was DS9...and everything was dark.  I didn't get into Voyager.  But I did like Enterprise because of like Scott Bakula. 

Quantum Leap!!

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner March 10, 2012 - 8:15am

I started watching Next Generation when I was little and I loved it"

 

It was one of the few things my parents would let me watch. I loved it. My mother even made me my own uniform for pajamas. You're right DS9 was dark, but I loved the whole prophets theme. The Dominion war made it even better. 

mattmicheliworld@gmail.com's picture
mattmicheliworl... from Austin, TX is reading The Catcher in the Rye March 10, 2012 - 9:26am

Chuck Palahniuk traveled to the The Virgin Islands. When he left, they were called "The Islands."

The Count of Egmont's picture
The Count of Egmont from cali is reading Damned by Chuck March 10, 2012 - 2:26pm

Every traipse I make into the Urban Outfitters is usually met with the same two questions.
Where is the comic books?
Where is the video games?
 

Dave's picture
Dave from a city near you is reading constantly March 10, 2012 - 2:33pm

@matt, I like it so much I

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner March 10, 2012 - 2:41pm

Classic. 

jyh's picture
jyh from VA is reading whatever he feels like March 10, 2012 - 9:39pm

Chuck has hair?

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 11, 2012 - 8:12am

Was looking for the right thread for this....never found it.  Anyway, did anyone ever notice how ADORABLE mine and Dave's names look together???

The Count of Egmont's picture
The Count of Egmont from cali is reading Damned by Chuck March 11, 2012 - 8:54am

Hello.

When I crack open a book I want the writer to talk to me about three things…

Boobs, blood and booze.

Nothing less.  Nothing more.

I am the new Tyler Durden and I am here to say that it is time for nerdie writers to fuck off and to go away.

Real writers write with their fists not there brain.  That’s the write way.  That is the minimalist technician.

And real writers don’t use stupid words like “suddenly” or “cheese”.  “Stately” is a joke to.

“cheese”.  who the fuck wants to read about cheeses.  “cheese” is so a retarded word and only dorks use that word.  I want to read and write about boobs, blood and booze not no fuckin cheeses!

And that stupid ass Chucksucker James Joyce started his book with “stately”.  what a fuckin joke.  James Joyce starts his book with the word “stately”. Come on what kind of dork uses the word “stately”?  he’s a total nerdie.  Look nerdies leave the writing to the tuffs!

Use your fists not your brain when you write.  That is the write way. That is the minimalist technician.

Nerdie writers need to leave literature to the tuffs.  The real men.

I had a thought or two that some of you might be wondering of what I am up to lately fiction-wise.  Come with me down the smokin Jack soaked tunnels and we will talk some about my first novel shall we?

My debut novel is American Control.

Its’ the story of a guy named Brad.

Brad, he’s the kinda guy who has no problem reading Playboy or Hustler on an airplane.

And he plays video games.

Lots of video games.

That, and he reads comic books.

Lots of comic books.

Brad is the angry cashier at a supermarket whose seen just enough of this world to know that in the end were just the same pile of toilet paper using mammals you see on the street man and aint it the fuckin truth.

Every traipse he makes into the Urban Outfitters is usually met with the same two questions.

Where is the comic books?

Where is the video games?

Our hero brad lives in Portland, Oregon.  And he’s sick of the earth.

Every night he flies in his golden helicopter to KCMO and goes to the hot star studded KCMO nightclubs.  The best dam clubs the worlds ever seen.  The kinda clubs a man goes to when he wants to get wit some fly ass honeys and I’m not just talkin bout B or C squadders man I am telling you for truth.

Then he goes to the KFC in KCMO.

You can tell by the way that he use his walk that hes a womans man.  No time for a talk.

Brad wakes up a morning and sees that hes got a special power.  He can build leggoe houses.

Lots of leggoe houses.

In chapter 2 he builds his own Myspace.

In chapter 3 he starts to build a big leggoe bridge.

Leggoe bridge goes all the way from his hometown, it’s Portland, Oregon, across the lake to Paris in France.

From Paris France leggoe bridge goes all the way to Moscow in USSR.

When he’s in France the people in France all call him leggoecentrist or “leggoecentrique” like the people in France say.

From moscow in USSR leggoe bridge goes to KCMO.

From KCMO leggoe bridge goes to Berlin in Germany.

From Berlin in Germany leggoe bridge goes to Italy city in Italy.

He does all of this with the help of his bff.

His bffs name is Danny.

Danny and Brad dress up in a white wedding gown in one scene and they kiss but there not gay.

Brad looks into its’ eyes just like his own.

anyway there’s a twist in the story when an evil doctor starts smashing leggoe bridge just like in the clockwork orange by tony burger but I dont want to give to much away.

and lots o boobs

Still at the end Brad becomes the Gengis Kan of leggoes.

The Adolph Hitler of leggoes.

The Chuck Manson of leggoes.

The Moby Dickhead of leggoes.

The Tyler Durden of leggoes.

Brad, he is a legend.

Are you ready?

Whether your ready or not…

Here comes…

American Control…

And what kinda writes do I like?

The kinda writer who doesn’t read to much or care to much about big academic-sounding words.

The kinda writer who aint afraid of taking a shit with his clothes on or pissin himself dry when he crawls out of the bar man after drinkin a pint of Jack and smokin himself silly man and aint it the fuckin truth.

The kinda writer who reads Hustler and Chuck on the plane whilst playin video games and drinkin a hella pint of Jack.

The kinda writer who likes his lincoln leggoes and aint afraid to tell the world to show it.

The kinda writer who aint afraid to read Penthouse, comic books and Chuck while checkin out some fat bitchs groceryes in the plaza whilst savin up his dough for a fine ass trip to luna.

The kinda writer who plays video games with one hand whilst reading Penthouse and Chuck on the plane in the other.

Thats the kinda writes I crave.

The tuffs.

The minimalist technician.

The leggotardians.

The tuffs.

Not the nerds.

Nerds = sug hags.

Agree.

“The girl in the room had hella small boobs so she hid her boobs.  She didnt get her boob job yet. But shes gonna” – my novel American Control comin out in July 2012 by Lulu
 

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner March 11, 2012 - 9:09am

Oh he's back. I like your copy and paste. What's it like to be that in love with an author. 

I found this for you. Goin' fishin'. 

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 11, 2012 - 9:09am

Stole my thunder.

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner March 11, 2012 - 9:09am

He totally did. 

Flaminia Ferina's picture
Flaminia Ferina from Umbria is reading stuff March 11, 2012 - 9:36am

@Davery, you´re cute!

@Count of Eggmont, bo-ring. I like leggo bridges though.

Dave's picture
Dave from a city near you is reading constantly March 11, 2012 - 11:24am

Davery!

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 11, 2012 - 11:32am

I can tell people are awe inspired by the ingenuity there. 

Dave's picture
Dave from a city near you is reading constantly March 11, 2012 - 11:42am

Damn Count. He's on the list. 

 

@Matt, Damn you, I was plotting to bring back The RickRoll!  Double whamy of ThunderSteal. FML.

Nikki Guerlain's picture
Nikki Guerlain from Portlandia March 11, 2012 - 11:52am

You know what? I like this eggmont guy. He's funny, weird, a good writer and hella ironic. You guys kick him off I'm going to miss him. He may derail but he kind of adds something to this place some kind of bizarro element. And who cares if he cuts and pastes?

That said, Davery pretty fuckin awesome. Being a doctor of divinity, er of the law or something like that, I announce you Davery cyber married.

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner March 11, 2012 - 11:51am

Yeah, I thought it was about time. 

Dave's picture
Dave from a city near you is reading constantly March 11, 2012 - 11:56am

Nikki made it LitOfficial!

Nikki Guerlain's picture
Nikki Guerlain from Portlandia March 11, 2012 - 11:58am

Everyone blow kazoos or something like that!

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 11, 2012 - 12:00pm

That said, I hope someone sends me a LitToaster. 

We look so yin and yang.  If marriages were based on clever names, surely ours would last an eternity. 

Dave's picture
Dave from a city near you is reading constantly March 11, 2012 - 12:03pm

"I am your density"

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters March 11, 2012 - 12:10pm

My WHAT???

Laramore Black's picture
Laramore Black from Joplin, Missouri is reading Mario Kart 8 March 11, 2012 - 12:11pm

I like Egmont too. Other than all the incorrect uses of "to" as "too".
That was probably part of the humor though...

I'd probably read that book, but Brandon and Danny would never kiss like that.

Nikki Guerlain's picture
Nikki Guerlain from Portlandia March 11, 2012 - 12:14pm

Yeah I think it's all ironic. And I'd totally read that book.

Dave's picture
Dave from a city near you is reading constantly March 11, 2012 - 12:20pm

Hello McFly, hello!

 

Laramore Black's picture
Laramore Black from Joplin, Missouri is reading Mario Kart 8 March 11, 2012 - 12:22pm

Sometimes I think it's fun to write short stories that sound like Chuck.
I will for war simply because most people in war transferred from the cult.

 

My chant would probably be something more like:

We am Etgar Keret

We am Etgar Keret

Nikki Guerlain's picture
Nikki Guerlain from Portlandia March 11, 2012 - 12:25pm

Oh lauraunce that is a dangerous strategy ... We talking about early chuck or later chuck? How about you write a happy chuck? Heh heh heh.

Laramore Black's picture
Laramore Black from Joplin, Missouri is reading Mario Kart 8 March 11, 2012 - 12:31pm

Is there a difference other than he once wrote masterpieces and now he just writes fun stuff?

It's not really an emulation, Chuck's just the only writer I've ever heard write something that sounds just as good spoken. I suppose there's just an association in my mind when writing in that manner.

Nikki Guerlain's picture
Nikki Guerlain from Portlandia March 11, 2012 - 12:36pm

Yah whatever works for you. Just take what you want from everyone. He has good advice for writing as long as you don't take it too far. I think of hunter s Thompson and William s Burroughs in the same way. I look forward to reading your stories :-)

A muffled cry from the back corner of my room I think said I can't wait to read Laurence's stories too. But his mouth was all full of Bob so I can't be sure. Sounds good though.

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human March 11, 2012 - 12:40pm