Ian's picture
Ian from Texas is reading Low Down Death Right Easy by J. David Osborne April 4, 2013 - 3:13pm

Fine.  I'll pick #1 for Jack.

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks April 4, 2013 - 3:23pm

1. I worked at a 2-star hotel and sold rooms for over $1,000.

2. I dated someone who lived with his ex-step-dad and his new wife, and his younger brother lived with his step-mom's grandmother, whose husband was accused of raping his step-neice and had to move out because she ran a daycare from her home.

3. I started smoking when I was eleven.

Dwayne's picture
Dwayne from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updated April 4, 2013 - 3:25pm

@Court - I'd say two is the lie.

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks April 4, 2013 - 3:29pm

Nope, that was my first long-term relationship. His family was fuuuuuucked up. He was also a crack baby.

Jack Campbell Jr.'s picture
Jack Campbell Jr. from Lawrence, KS is reading American Rust by Phillipp Meyer April 4, 2013 - 4:10pm

3 was the lie. I could never date a massage therapist. I have this thing where I hate being touched and the whole idea creeps me out. The German girl skated under the name Jo Jo Mercy and the tractor puller had an alcohol-fueled Quad 4 named Quadzilla. Ironically, they studied abroad in Spain together after I had broken up with both of them. They sat next to each other on the plane ride. I've always wondered about that conversation.

Jack Campbell Jr.'s picture
Jack Campbell Jr. from Lawrence, KS is reading American Rust by Phillipp Meyer April 4, 2013 - 4:52pm

Woah. No idea what happened there. Six duplicate posts has to be a record of some sort.

Jack Campbell Jr.'s picture
Jack Campbell Jr. from Lawrence, KS is reading American Rust by Phillipp Meyer April 4, 2013 - 4:53pm

Sorry.

Jack Campbell Jr.'s picture
Jack Campbell Jr. from Lawrence, KS is reading American Rust by Phillipp Meyer April 4, 2013 - 4:55pm

My bad.

Jack Campbell Jr.'s picture
Jack Campbell Jr. from Lawrence, KS is reading American Rust by Phillipp Meyer April 4, 2013 - 4:57pm

Network glitch.

Jack Campbell Jr.'s picture
Jack Campbell Jr. from Lawrence, KS is reading American Rust by Phillipp Meyer April 4, 2013 - 4:58pm

A really bad network glitch.

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks April 4, 2013 - 7:03pm

Jack broke the internet, y'all. It's time for us all to go home.

voodoo_em's picture
voodoo_em from England is reading All the books by Ira Levin April 5, 2013 - 2:22am

Points to.... LIANA!

 

I actually first met my husband when we were both eleven, we started dating at fifteen, got married at twenty and lived happily ever after :)

 

@Renee ~ Unfortunately my mum didn't redecorate that care bear wall paper until I was thirteen.

 

*Oh the shame* 

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks April 5, 2013 - 10:54am

@Em I know how that is. I had Winnie the Pooh trim, lamps, curtains, and bedsheets until I was twelve. It only changed because we moved out... That sort of stuff, wallpaper and decorating stuff for kids, is expensive! It cost like a fourth of that to decorate my "teenage" room. They refused to throw nearly a thousand dollars down the drain just because I grew out of it.

Strange Photon's picture
Strange Photon from Fort Wayne, IN is reading Laurie Anderson lyrics April 5, 2013 - 12:27pm

My parents pretty much hated me, so the concept of decorating my room with any motif was laughable. Worked out well for me, though, because they were too cheap to paint over it when I drew on the walls.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters April 5, 2013 - 1:25pm

my walls were wood paneling.  I would tape all sorts of things on them, and subsequently tear the finish off when I removed the tape.  I ruined the room. 

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks April 5, 2013 - 10:10pm

I covered the Winnie the Pooh with posters. I lived in that room for nine years and moved the tacks around so often without realizing it that my room looked like a corkboard when we were moving out and you could actually see the walls. It was absolutely horrific.

Also, Ryan -- I somehow just noticed your original post. Are you joking about the teddy bear thing? That has to be, literally, one of the most adorable things I've ever heard out of a grown man. (My phone's dead and can't find the charger, and I'm too lazy to email you.)

Jack Campbell Jr.'s picture
Jack Campbell Jr. from Lawrence, KS is reading American Rust by Phillipp Meyer April 6, 2013 - 5:41pm

My wallpaper was the most god-awful ugly stuff. It had verticle stripes that were painted on. It looked like a kindergartener did it.

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks April 6, 2013 - 9:02pm

Jack, you just brought back terrible memories of when I was somehow angstier than I am now and I had black and white vertical stripes on my walls with an ethereal golden flower repeating as that wallpaper that goes at the top of the wall. Fuck me, I was the lamest teenager ever.

Strange Photon's picture
Strange Photon from Fort Wayne, IN is reading Laurie Anderson lyrics April 7, 2013 - 3:22am

Having worked with teenagers half my adult life, and having been one myself, let me just say that every teen is the lamest teen ever - so don't feel bad. Hell, plenty of teens grow older but no less lame, so count your blessings or whatever it is that you can count that will make you feel better. Count your cupcakes? That works for me.

Love me some cupcakes...

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks April 7, 2013 - 10:24am

Working with teenagers? What were you, a professional masochist?

I'm counting my cupcakes now.

R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading The Last Thing He Wanted by Joan Didion; Story Structure Architect by Victoria Lynn Schimdt PH.D; Creating Characters by the editors of Writer's Digest April 7, 2013 - 10:45am

Also, Ryan -- I somehow just noticed your original post. Are you joking about the teddy bear thing? That has to be, literally, one of the most adorable things I've ever heard out of a grown man. (My phone's dead and can't find the charger, and I'm too lazy to email you.)

- It's true...

R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading The Last Thing He Wanted by Joan Didion; Story Structure Architect by Victoria Lynn Schimdt PH.D; Creating Characters by the editors of Writer's Digest April 7, 2013 - 10:54am

I gave him to my ex a few years ago, along with some other things, for our one year anniversary. Ultimately, after we broke up she sent him back.  

Strange Photon's picture
Strange Photon from Fort Wayne, IN is reading Laurie Anderson lyrics April 9, 2013 - 3:56pm

I've never understood the whole 'I'm gonna send you back all the gifts you gave me when we were together' tactic. It seems so passive-aggressive, and frankly, kinda pathetic in that it is obvious you're just doing it to make some sort of melodramatic statement, and not because you are a nice guy/girl who would hate for their ex to have ever purchased something as a gift for a relationship that is over.

Sorry, that sort of thing just really gets under my skin. I hate mind games, and subtle backhanded messages. You hate me, you wish we had never fucked, you would like to cut the brake lines of my car - fine, bring it. Just don't be passive-aggressive or melodramatic.

I'm supremely lucky, my woman tells me when I'm being a dick, and expects me to tell her the same if she is being a bitch. Of course, I'd never call a woman a bitch, not even behind her back, because I'm a gentleman - but you get the idea.

So... yeah... teddy bears.

Oh, and Courtney, it was less about masochism and more about an angry young man teaching kids how not to be angry. Go figure.

R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading The Last Thing He Wanted by Joan Didion; Story Structure Architect by Victoria Lynn Schimdt PH.D; Creating Characters by the editors of Writer's Digest April 9, 2013 - 4:05pm

I've never understood the whole 'I'm gonna send you back all the gifts you gave me when we were together' tactic.

- It wasn't a 'tatic.' It's one thing I have left of my childhood. It was the only thing she sent back because she knew how much it meant to me. I didn't purchase it for her, either. I will tell you what pissed me off, though. She bought me a coffee maker for Christmas one year to keep at her place when we weren't living together. Fuck, that coffee machine was great. When we broke up, after we had already moved in together, she demanded that she keep the coffee machine. Fine, but shit, she doesn't even drink coffee. To avoid an argument, I let it go. But giving back the teddy bear... I disagree with you 110%.

Strange Photon's picture
Strange Photon from Fort Wayne, IN is reading Laurie Anderson lyrics April 9, 2013 - 4:38pm

Ok, I totally was in the wrong in this particular instance. You're right, that wasn't a tactic, and likely showed she isn't entirely inhuman. I misunderstood the origins of the bear, even though it was plain to see that it was a childhood bear. I guess I just got in my head the distaste I have for those situations when it is in fact just a returned gift.

Sorry for my mistake. And yeah, what the fuck is up with keeping a coffee maker if you don't even drink coffee? That is some punitive shit right there.

Dwayne's picture
Dwayne from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updated April 9, 2013 - 5:00pm

I have done it because I didn't want reminders of the person, and it felt extra rude to throw them out/re-gift them.

R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading The Last Thing He Wanted by Joan Didion; Story Structure Architect by Victoria Lynn Schimdt PH.D; Creating Characters by the editors of Writer's Digest April 9, 2013 - 5:05pm

No problemo, man. Yeah, the coffee machine pissed me off. I'm like you, if it's a gift, especially if I paid money for it, I don't want it back. And that coffee machine was a gift. Like I said, though, I didn't even argue about it. It was a losing battle with her.

Strange Photon's picture
Strange Photon from Fort Wayne, IN is reading Laurie Anderson lyrics April 9, 2013 - 5:08pm

@Dwayne - Why didn't the two of you settle the division of goods at the time of the breakup?

All my ended relationships finished with us taking what was ours at the time of the last hurrah, and anything left behind was burned or fed to sharks. Am I the only one who has always done it that way?

R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading The Last Thing He Wanted by Joan Didion; Story Structure Architect by Victoria Lynn Schimdt PH.D; Creating Characters by the editors of Writer's Digest April 9, 2013 - 5:14pm

I still have the framed Fight Club and Pygmy pictures she gave to me as a gift hanging on my wall. I also have the signed copies of Korean Fight Club and Italian Snuff that she gave me. Why? Because they're fucking awesome!

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks April 9, 2013 - 5:45pm

Is anyone going to guess my lie?!

Also, I both agree and disagree with all the points made about exes. I gave my ex a chance to get all his shit, but when he didn't get all of it, I chucked most of it in the trash. I inherited two signed John Green books, though! Those, I didn't throw away.

As for the coffee maker.. fuck her, that should've been yours.

Strange Photon's picture
Strange Photon from Fort Wayne, IN is reading Laurie Anderson lyrics April 9, 2013 - 5:51pm

Courtney, if no one has guessed your lie within 24 hours of you posting it, you get 30 points!

You should have carried out some ancient pagan ritual that would have involved fire, the blood of a rat and the spleens of 7 armadillos. That'd teach him to leave his shit behind.

 

R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading The Last Thing He Wanted by Joan Didion; Story Structure Architect by Victoria Lynn Schimdt PH.D; Creating Characters by the editors of Writer's Digest April 9, 2013 - 6:00pm

You should have carried out some ancient pagan ritual that would have involved fire, the blood of a rat and the spleens of 7 armadillos.

- Does that work? What are the results, consequences and benefits?

Sound's picture
Sound from Azusa, CA is reading Greener Pastures by Michael Wehunt April 9, 2013 - 6:14pm

A friend of mine told me his ex asked for a PS3 she had given him for his bday...three years after they had broken up. She harrassed him so much he gave her the money she would have paid for it at the time.

When I asked him why he didn't just give her the old PS3, or the money it would be worth now (probably $100), he said it wasn't worth the risk of her coming back again.

Dwayne's picture
Dwayne from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updated April 9, 2013 - 7:02pm

@Strange - Well that sounds a lot more mature and sane then any relationship I've ever been in. I'm not saying all women are crazy, or all crazy women want me. I am saying I'll give you a hint who I might date; whoever might stab me.

You should have carried out some ancient pagan ritual that would have involved fire, the blood of a rat and the spleens of 7 armadillos. That'd teach him to leave his shit behind.

Most times when referring to ancient pagans, it would be groups who didn't have access to armadillos. I'd suggest rewording that.

 

 

Strange Photon's picture
Strange Photon from Fort Wayne, IN is reading Laurie Anderson lyrics April 9, 2013 - 7:11pm

I was going for far-fetched and nonsensical - so I stand by my wording.

Dwayne's picture
Dwayne from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updated April 9, 2013 - 7:22pm

Then you didn't go far enough. You should throw in Elvis. 

Courtney's picture
Courtney from the Midwest is reading Monkey: A Journey to the West and a thousand college textbooks April 9, 2013 - 7:26pm

Actually, you should throw in dead-but-not-really-dead-Elvis.

Not all women are crazy. I gave my ex a reasonable amount of time to get his shit and he didn't. I threw away the stuff I didn't want (high school transcripts and notebooks, clothes, stuff like that) and kept what I did, which were the books.

Do I identify my lie or just go pout in a corner because I'm not getting enough attention?

Dwayne's picture
Dwayne from Cincinnati, Ohio (suburbs) is reading books that rotate to often to keep this updated April 9, 2013 - 9:28pm

I said

I'm not saying all women are crazy . . .

You said

Not all women are crazy.

Did you misread me or what? 

Strange Photon's picture
Strange Photon from Fort Wayne, IN is reading Laurie Anderson lyrics April 10, 2013 - 3:35am

I see what they meant before about looking for arguments...

And Courtney, you enjoy your 30 points without admitting your lie because the 10 points for guessing it are still up in the air for whoever may get it. But, hey, 30 points ain't nothing to sneeze at - unless you're allergic to awesomeness.

voodoo_em's picture
voodoo_em from England is reading All the books by Ira Levin April 10, 2013 - 8:09am

So I think #3 is Courtney's lie, because she already admitted #2 was true and I know she used to work in a hotel.

But then maybe #1 is a cunning half lie? Like it wasn't 2star or... oh well whatever, my guess is 3.

 

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters April 10, 2013 - 8:20am

RE: break ups/stuff 

I got divorced last year (around this time!) and I am still finding his things around the house as I clean or go through things.  I give them back as I find them.  Most recently was a DVD of pictures of his grandmother who passed away.  An easy thing to over look, even in a small house.  But it's easy to get it back to him since we share custody of our son and have to do drop offs and whatnot.  I have always suspected he took something of mine when he left (or some time after, actually) out of spite, but I can't prove it and I assume he wouldn't admit it.  It's a bummer though.  I hope I either find it one day and realize I was wrong, or he happens to "find it" in his things and returns it. 

But gifts, I never see any reason to return a gift.  I tried to return an engagement ring once when I broke it off (I was 17 at the time), but he didn't want it back.  Later I sold it to the pawn shop. 

 

 

Strange Photon's picture
Strange Photon from Fort Wayne, IN is reading Laurie Anderson lyrics April 10, 2013 - 10:16am

I'm always looking for an excuse to release my pent up aggressions, so if you ever have any interest in finding out the truth about what he might have taken/kept that didn't belong to him (and aren't overly attached to the idea of your son's father continuing to use his kneecaps) I'd love to offer my services. Free of charge, of course.

Hell, I recently got a new reciprocating saw and have only had occasion to use it once since purchasing it, so there's another option!

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters April 10, 2013 - 10:20am

No, no, no.  Nothing like that.  I work pretty hard to maintain a good working relationship with him because of our son.  :)

 

 

Strange Photon's picture
Strange Photon from Fort Wayne, IN is reading Laurie Anderson lyrics April 10, 2013 - 10:27am

That, in and of itself, sounds like a pretty good mom to me.

SConley's picture
SConley from Texas is reading Coin Locker Babies April 10, 2013 - 12:18pm

1. I have Freemasons in my family.

2. When i was young, in DARE class, i wrote a story about a criminal who fought back against the police and killed them and i was consequently put in a special class under close supervision with other "bad" kids.

3. I once hung out with Tommy, the green/white Power Ranger.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters April 10, 2013 - 12:22pm

I have freemasons in my family!

I'll guess #2, because it seems most elaborate.

 

SConley's picture
SConley from Texas is reading Coin Locker Babies April 10, 2013 - 12:29pm

Yeah i knew i blew that one. I have an aunt whose husband is a Freemason. And once i was at a press release party for an MMA fight my brother was a trainer for and Tommy the White Ranger was at the same table because he does MMA now. So was Torrie Wilson and i had no idea who she was at the time but my friends told me later she was a female wrestler. We were just sitting at a table BSing and drinking Shiners, i didn't even know she was famous. Also Tommy the White Ranger was giving me dirty looks and it turns out it was because i was at the head of the table where he was supposed to sit. Again, i was totally oblivious, i was just hanging out with my brother and his fighter friends.

Sound's picture
Sound from Azusa, CA is reading Greener Pastures by Michael Wehunt April 10, 2013 - 12:31pm

Conley: I hope # 3 is true, because that would be rad. I loved Power Rangers.

SConley's picture
SConley from Texas is reading Coin Locker Babies April 10, 2013 - 12:32pm

I did write a story about a criminal who kills the cops who were after him. I was 14 maybe and it was DARE class. The DARE teacher thought it was funny though and she wrote a lot of notes on the paper. I didn't get in any trouble.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters April 10, 2013 - 12:45pm

Freshman year i wrote a story about a little girl who gets murdered by her father on Christmas eve.  I had to talk to counselors.  :(  

I think I got a B.