Profunda Saint-Sylvain's picture
Profunda Saint-... from Calgary, AB is reading Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy Series February 1, 2012 - 6:32pm

Remember being a kid and being offended if someone called you a "Dillhole"?

What other un-swears are terribly offensive or just plain hilarious?

aliensoul77's picture
aliensoul77 from a cold distant star is reading the writing on the wall. February 1, 2012 - 6:34pm

buttmunch lol

PopeyeDoyle's picture
PopeyeDoyle from Rio Grande Valley, TX is reading Chronology of Water February 1, 2012 - 6:47pm
Utah's picture
Moderator
Utah from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry February 1, 2012 - 7:20pm

@popeye:  Thank you.

Profunda Saint-Sylvain's picture
Profunda Saint-... from Calgary, AB is reading Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy Series February 1, 2012 - 7:28pm

Oh man, the next person to piss me off is definitely getting told they are as ugly as a salad.

Typewriter Demigod's picture
Typewriter Demigod from London is reading "White Noise" by DeLilo, "Moby-Dick" by Hermann Mellivile and "Uylsses" by Joyce February 1, 2012 - 7:43pm

GET BLOWN BY A HUNGRY CARPATHIAN SHE-WOLF, YOU SCOUNDRELOUS SALAD-FACED UGLY!!!

 

:D

Utah's picture
Moderator
Utah from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry February 1, 2012 - 7:44pm

My personal favorite was "My dick in your conscience."  That is art.  Art.

Spooky Sean's picture
Spooky Sean from Massachusetts is reading The Corn Maiden and Other Nightmares by Joyce Carol Oates February 1, 2012 - 8:01pm

I was going to say Dillweed.
Fartknocker. Douchebag. 
Asshat.
Seriously, picture what an asshat would be?
Is the version you think of a hat shaped like an ass you wear on the head, or a hat placed upon the buttocks?

OtisTheBulldog's picture
OtisTheBulldog from Somerville, MA is reading your mother's diary. Your sister's too. February 1, 2012 - 8:14pm

Not an asshat, but I've always loved the Asshead Monster:

 

Typewriter Demigod's picture
Typewriter Demigod from London is reading "White Noise" by DeLilo, "Moby-Dick" by Hermann Mellivile and "Uylsses" by Joyce February 1, 2012 - 8:23pm

asshat is what it sounds like. Imagine Al Capone wearing  someone's ass on his fedora.

Profunda Saint-Sylvain's picture
Profunda Saint-... from Calgary, AB is reading Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy Series February 1, 2012 - 8:26pm

I always took asshat to mean a hat for the ass, or in otherwords, useless.

Nick's picture
Nick from Toronto is reading A Million Little Fibers by Steven McTowelie February 1, 2012 - 9:16pm

I only ever heard those words on Beavis and Butthead.

Spooky Sean's picture
Spooky Sean from Massachusetts is reading The Corn Maiden and Other Nightmares by Joyce Carol Oates February 1, 2012 - 9:16pm

I always assumed hat for the ass, as in, "you sir, are quite silly."

aliensoul77's picture
aliensoul77 from a cold distant star is reading the writing on the wall. February 1, 2012 - 9:19pm

Hey Sean, another Joyce Carol Oates fan in the house!

drea's picture
drea from Rural Alberta, Canada is reading between the lines February 2, 2012 - 2:44pm

"numbnuts" is currently in heavy rotation in my vocab, but so is "artless cunt", which is IMHO the most insulting thing I can say about someone. 

Profunda Saint-Sylvain's picture
Profunda Saint-... from Calgary, AB is reading Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy Series February 2, 2012 - 3:26pm

The non-swear that makes me grit my teeth when it is said in my direction is... "you people". I hate it so much.

"You people can't do anything right, can you?"

"You people think you're so smart, don't you?"

"You people can't just steal our money whenever you want."

I do not want to be lumped in with these people, I just answer the phone!

Ash's picture
Ash from the dark ghoulish woods creaking just outside the unhinged door, the macabre biting at the heels. is reading Our Tragic Universe February 2, 2012 - 5:13pm

"I'll knock you into a cocked hat." Love that 50's slang.

presumably hitting someone so the hat sits ajar or off, funnier thought hitting someone a jolt and the hat stays still which i find a humorous image, and not knocking someone into an actual hat full of cocks, which is still quite funny.

Utah's picture
Moderator
Utah from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry February 2, 2012 - 5:18pm

@Meat Seeker:  What, are you a gypsy?

Profunda Saint-Sylvain's picture
Profunda Saint-... from Calgary, AB is reading Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy Series February 2, 2012 - 5:26pm

I wish! I can't wear a shawl to save my life. I do steal children though. Children and canned goods.

ReneeAPickup's picture
ReneeAPickup from Joshua Tree, CA is reading A truckload of books. February 2, 2012 - 5:29pm

Hm...I can't think of any really great ones, but my toddler has become a parrot, so I have been utilizing some pretty creative expletives. My current favorite is "Mother Fletcher". I can get almost all the way through "motherfucker" and still save it before I say something that will get her kicked out of childcare if she repeats it.

Utah's picture
Moderator
Utah from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry February 2, 2012 - 5:30pm

I like "son of a mother and a father."

Profunda Saint-Sylvain's picture
Profunda Saint-... from Calgary, AB is reading Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy Series February 2, 2012 - 5:34pm

True story, I went to a girlfriend's for dinner last night, and she was showing me how smart her 2 year old is, saying "what does a tiger say?", "what does a monkey say?", etc. Then this happened:

"What does Mommy say?"
"FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!" (all while jumping up and down really fast...)

So freakin' funny. Inappropriate, but funny.

Boone Spaulding's picture
Boone Spaulding from Coldwater, Michigan, U.S.A. is reading Solarcide Presents: Nova Parade February 2, 2012 - 5:41pm

"Dingleberry" - nostalgically hilarious

"Knick-knack" - someone who looks good but is really good-for-nothing; useless; serves no practical purpose

Swearing in German, esp. with German idioms such as "Someone must have screwed off the top of your head and shit there." Vulgar. "Arschloch" for "asshole", "Kackbratze" for "shit-face", but my favorite by far is "Scheissekopf" for "shit-head". Takes the silliness out of swearing and makes it sound serious (if you're swearing at someone who doesn't speak Deutch)...

ReneeAPickup's picture
ReneeAPickup from Joshua Tree, CA is reading A truckload of books. February 2, 2012 - 5:44pm

@Meat Seeker--that is freaking awesome. A couple weeks ago, I hit my knee in a sweet spot, and it hurt so bad I went fetal, I was wailing "ow fuck! fuuuuuuuuuck! Ow! Fuck!" a few minutes later I was on speaker phone with my husband and my two year old decides to re-enact the scene. 

 

@Boone--I am starting to relearn German, you must share that idiom in German. Please.

aliensoul77's picture
aliensoul77 from a cold distant star is reading the writing on the wall. February 2, 2012 - 5:57pm

My Dad says son of a biscuit.

Profunda Saint-Sylvain's picture
Profunda Saint-... from Calgary, AB is reading Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy Series February 2, 2012 - 6:01pm

My kid says "Oh, Barnacles!" when she's frustrated. Thank god for Spongebob.

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters February 2, 2012 - 6:05pm

My child's biggest all time insult is "You're not my buddy!"

It actually is pretty hurtful.

Profunda Saint-Sylvain's picture
Profunda Saint-... from Calgary, AB is reading Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy Series February 2, 2012 - 6:09pm

Aww, yeah that is rough ;)

Mine says "I'm NOT your mom anymore." when she's mad at me.

I think three is a confusing age.

PopeyeDoyle's picture
PopeyeDoyle from Rio Grande Valley, TX is reading Chronology of Water February 2, 2012 - 7:15pm

Edit.

Jose F. Diaz's picture
Jose F. Diaz from East Coast is reading short novels by various authors that change so much it isn't worth posting here. February 2, 2012 - 6:13pm

Swamp Donkey, Britney Spears wanna-be, Paris Hilton's offspring, Abortion posterchild, An anchovies C..., The missing link....etc etc so on and so forth.

R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading Clockers by: Richard Price February 2, 2012 - 6:14pm

Biatch

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters February 2, 2012 - 6:15pm

Another of my little one, after watching Transformers movie (the real one from the eighties) he grabbed my husband's throat and said "I'll rip out your optics."

That was HILARIOUS.  We had to have a long talk later. 

aliensoul77's picture
aliensoul77 from a cold distant star is reading the writing on the wall. February 2, 2012 - 6:18pm

@Jessica--You're not my buddy!! Lol that is hurtful, I would cry.

R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading Clockers by: Richard Price February 2, 2012 - 6:19pm

When I was 3 or 4 I attempted to tie my shoes. After a long struggle, I became frustrated, threw my shoes across my room and said, "Fuck these things." But, at that time, neither of my parents used the F-word. To this day my mom still can't figure out where I learned it.

Deets999's picture
Deets999 from Connecticut is reading Night Film February 2, 2012 - 6:25pm

Muckluck

ReneeAPickup's picture
ReneeAPickup from Joshua Tree, CA is reading A truckload of books. February 2, 2012 - 6:36pm

Awe, you're all my buddies.

R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading Clockers by: Richard Price February 2, 2012 - 6:51pm

Fuddruckers... Not really a non-swear word, but sure as hell sounds like one.

bryanhowie's picture
bryanhowie from FW, ID is reading East of Eden. Steinbeck is FUCKING AMAZING. February 2, 2012 - 8:53pm

When I was 18ish, if anyone made me mad, I'd sniff them and say, "You smell like pee."

 

bryanhowie's picture
bryanhowie from FW, ID is reading East of Eden. Steinbeck is FUCKING AMAZING. February 2, 2012 - 8:53pm

Asshat

 

aliensoul77's picture
aliensoul77 from a cold distant star is reading the writing on the wall. February 2, 2012 - 8:59pm

Hahaha. Love it.

R.Moon's picture
R.Moon from The City of Champions is reading Clockers by: Richard Price February 2, 2012 - 9:10pm

@Bryan: Freakin' awesome!

Jose F. Diaz's picture
Jose F. Diaz from East Coast is reading short novels by various authors that change so much it isn't worth posting here. February 2, 2012 - 10:45pm

@ Bryan: Well played sir, well played indeed.

OtisTheBulldog's picture
OtisTheBulldog from Somerville, MA is reading your mother's diary. Your sister's too. February 2, 2012 - 11:40pm

"Another of my little one, after watching Transformers movie (the real one from the eighties) he grabbed my husband's throat and said "I'll rip out your optics."

 

You're a good mother. 

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters February 2, 2012 - 11:49pm

Haha!  Bless your heart.  Yeah.  Arise Rodimus Prime.  You've got the touch.

 

bryanhowie's picture
bryanhowie from FW, ID is reading East of Eden. Steinbeck is FUCKING AMAZING. February 3, 2012 - 4:36am

YOU'VE GOT THE POOOOWWWWWERRRRRR!

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters February 3, 2012 - 9:55am

YES!

Insert my son with a touch light shoved under his shirt saying it's a matrix.

OtisTheBulldog's picture
OtisTheBulldog from Somerville, MA is reading your mother's diary. Your sister's too. February 3, 2012 - 10:29am

Nothing beats this performance

 

Typewriter Demigod's picture
Typewriter Demigod from London is reading "White Noise" by DeLilo, "Moby-Dick" by Hermann Mellivile and "Uylsses" by Joyce February 3, 2012 - 3:04pm

"fagatronic". lol.

 

@Renee, "Fletcher" is new slang. It's like wanker, but for girls. Cause, you know, onomatopoeia?

Utah's picture
Moderator
Utah from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry February 3, 2012 - 3:07pm

Holy shit, I'm going to start calling the girl who works in my office that.  She'll never know!