I feel like this is ambiguous because Matt didn't title his. So, to be clear - the first choice is Matt's piece and it is untitled. The second is mine - titled Collecting.
The attachments: First story is Matt, second is mine. So, the story coincides with the choice.
That makes sense, right?
Yeah friggin right, this is for bragging rights. So here is what will happen in short order, if I somehow manage to do the impossible and pull off a win.
Averydoll: Matt I think my opinion is better than yours despite secretly agreeing with yours.
Me: Oh really? Last time I checked I beat you in Beyond Thunderdome.
Averydoll: Only because you cheated, you were 80 words over!
Me: I told you I would cull!
Averydoll: Too late! Doesn't count.
Utah: She's right and by that I mean I think she is always right and silly.
@Panda, I really hate the picture taken of me, but dude, that tree was MASSIVE. It sits in front of this haunted house in the middle of a pasture so, we went up there after fishing and had a contest to see who could climb it, Jordan won....It's got to be 150-200 years old.
How about...you don't recap at all, because we can look up and see how the votes are going.
Or yeah, just do a play by play of the whole thing."
Ok- cause every part of that makes total sense. LOL You should have created a third option as a tie breaker. I think I would have voted for Pedro.
Good jobs to the both of yuz.
@Matt: World War II always makes me uneasy. Particularly when children are introduced into the mix. War and children are two words that clash. Just like your last story Matt, this one is nicely written. Crisp and smooth for the most part. I really would have liked more Era specific elements to place my imagination in that time period. The moment german was spoken, I realized that either something very strange was happening or the story was likely WWI or WWII. However, the characters felt contemporary and the setting almost could have been any war. So you might want to construct some more of that set and place period-specific props for the benefit and direction of your reader. Just some thoughts. Again, well done. Thanks for the read. And watch those word counts.
@Jessica: Those crawling girls are just plain creepy. I like how you set the seen. Feels nineteenth century. Shit could be civil war era. Regardless, it works and no further explanations are really necessary. The isolationism of the farm in a time period devoid of telephones makes it all the spookier. And the characters fit the time period well. I wouldn't call them emotionless shells. They were definitely taking shape quite nicely. Two areas you might consider playing with are the intro and the ending. The intro contains all of those atmospheric elements but little else. It should contain a hook to the jaw or some eery foreshadowing. Especially with what is going to follow, if that makes any sense. And the ending is really good, but a bit unclear. Was Dougle the man collecting the girls? I am not quite sure. Nevertheless, a great spooky story. Thanks . Now I have to go to bed and hopefully dream of who's on whom and not witch girls from the woods.
Whoa, after that exchange I am glad I am not in your bracket Jessica.
What Jessica meant was (me speaking in her voice):
"I know how you feel Matt, I was once creamed by a dumpster-sized Gorilla and a perfectly steeped cup of darjeeling (or whatever kind of tea that was) and the entire experience, all the pain, will only make you a better writer. Trust me. Nothing a good cry won't fix. It worked for me. Just look at how cocksure I am now and I don't even own a cock. Well, I do, but don't tell my husband I am claiming ownership of his fun parts."
