avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters February 23, 2012 - 3:20pm

@Meat - I was worried.  Seriously.

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human February 23, 2012 - 3:21pm

There we go.

 

Profunda Saint-Sylvain's picture
Profunda Saint-... from Calgary, AB is reading Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy Series February 23, 2012 - 3:29pm

You're the sweetest girl on the Lit*

Your concern has led me to appoint an "Internet Pallbearer", however. So in the case of my untimely demise a lovely young lady from D.C. will tell you all the gory details. ALL OF THEM. Unless they're boring. In which case you will be told many fabricated rumours that I will probably write down in advance.

*statement has not been endorsed by popular vote... yet

 

avery of the dead's picture
avery of the dead from Kentucky is reading Cipher Sisters February 23, 2012 - 3:30pm

Thank God.

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human February 23, 2012 - 3:48pm

Alive!

Profunda Saint-Sylvain's picture
Profunda Saint-... from Calgary, AB is reading Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy Series February 23, 2012 - 3:52pm

Maybe we should have a morning roll call so we can make sure everyone is accounted for.

drea's picture
drea from Rural Alberta, Canada is reading between the lines February 23, 2012 - 3:54pm

As a relatively new person, I come and go on the boards in between workshops. LitReactor doesn't appear to be any different than most boards except perhaps a bit smarter and with a better vocabulary. 

Utah's picture
Moderator
Utah from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry February 23, 2012 - 4:00pm

@Drea:  Where have you been?!  I was worried that Meat Seeker had murdered you and spent the weekend figuring out what to do with your body.

Chris Davis's picture
Chris Davis from Indiana is reading A Feast of Snakes by Harry Crews February 23, 2012 - 4:17pm

This is my first day on this site and I am happy about the possibility of getting feedback from such a variety of personalities. Thanks for making this welcome thread, it's nice to meet all of you.

aliensoul77's picture
aliensoul77 from a cold distant star is reading the writing on the wall. February 23, 2012 - 4:17pm

I miss that rachel cohen, she was a fun gal and so polite. Avery and her had girl talks and exchanged makeup tips. Me, I'm always giving advice on the ladies and sharing my wild heterosexual misadventures. Nope, nothing gay going on here.

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human February 23, 2012 - 4:22pm

@Chris Davies

Welcome!

Are you going to submit to the workshop?

I suggest you scope around, ask questions, feel free.

You can also post on my other discussions.

@Alien

I actually thought about Rachel Cohen recently.

Chris Davis's picture
Chris Davis from Indiana is reading A Feast of Snakes by Harry Crews February 23, 2012 - 4:27pm

I'm working on something to submit, hope to have the first draft done soon.

aliensoul77's picture
aliensoul77 from a cold distant star is reading the writing on the wall. February 23, 2012 - 4:28pm

Welcome Chris, don't be afraid. Just avoid Utah, he's a pervert and that avery is a hardcore feminist.

Panda is sweet and cuddly though.

@Panda--I missed you. I thought about you in the shower today at the gym, then I got thrown out.

Chris Davis's picture
Chris Davis from Indiana is reading A Feast of Snakes by Harry Crews February 23, 2012 - 4:32pm

Thanks for the hints aliensoul.

But there is something endearing about someone named Utah from Texas.  It has a fun spaghetti western feel, pervert or not.

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human February 23, 2012 - 4:34pm

@Alien

Hahaha I don't even want to know.

@Chris

What do you write?

 

Chris Davis's picture
Chris Davis from Indiana is reading A Feast of Snakes by Harry Crews February 23, 2012 - 4:39pm

@Panda

It depends on the day and how much I drink. In the past I worked on everything from slapstick zombie stories to mini biographies of people I met at dive bars. But, I haven't put many words down in a the last couple years, hopefully I can remedy this sooner than later.

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human February 23, 2012 - 4:47pm

Slapstick?

I would want to read that. I love that stuff.

Do you ever watch Jackie Chan films?

Chris Davis's picture
Chris Davis from Indiana is reading A Feast of Snakes by Harry Crews February 23, 2012 - 5:12pm

I watch some Jackie Chan but for that story I was going more Wiley Coyote and road runner than kung-fu

OtisTheBulldog's picture
OtisTheBulldog from Somerville, MA is reading The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz February 23, 2012 - 5:21pm

"Mini-biographies on people I've met at dive bars"

I love it. 

 

I'm newer. I know how boards work. I've been on the internet once before. I don't post as much because I don't post as much. I'll stick around. Sooner or later I'll submit in the workshop (I've been fighting a lifetime of laziness). In the meantime, I'll critique your submissions.

Deal?
Fuckin' A.

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human February 23, 2012 - 5:35pm

Just be sure you don't give one-line reviews.

Boone Spaulding's picture
Boone Spaulding from Coldwater, Michigan, U.S.A. is reading Solarcide Presents: Nova Parade February 23, 2012 - 5:47pm

@pandamask - your one-line judgment is cryptic. Care to elaborrate?

(I've been fighting a lifetime of laziness).

You are inspirational. I remember fighting laziness...but now I feel like I may have become a sort of Vichy collaborator with the Laziness Regime....

Jimothy Scott's picture
Jimothy Scott from Canada is reading The wise mans fear February 23, 2012 - 6:03pm

@ aliensoul about panda: he has that effect on people.

@panda: good idea for a thread. I joined the cult before the reactor. that was terrifying. I joined the reactor and I was terrified again. but it's not so bad now once you start talking to people

Matt Attack's picture
Matt Attack from Richmond, Va. is reading As I Lay Dying, William Faulkner February 23, 2012 - 6:04pm

"Just be sure you don't give one-line reviews."

 

YES

Jimothy Scott's picture
Jimothy Scott from Canada is reading The wise mans fear February 23, 2012 - 6:08pm

Lol matt and I know just how annoying it is

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human February 23, 2012 - 6:47pm

If you could look at one specific review regarding Matt and Garrett's submissions you'd know what I was talking about.

I see this with a lot of new people, and I'm not attacking anyone.

First off I don't give amazing LBL's, I actually couldn't until recently. I have to put the text on another word document. But I do give lengthy comments and reread the story 3 times (no matter how long the story is). I do this to make sure I can answer my own questions and go in depth as possible.

So, you don't read a 5,000 word story and simply put that it was a good read.

You tear that shit apart like a plate of BBQ ribs.

Just don't be malicious.
There's an essay on reviewing and just learn by looking at how other people review. By other people I mean the people on the top leaderboards for example.

Chester Pane's picture
Chester Pane from Portland, Oregon is reading The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz February 23, 2012 - 6:47pm

I didn't know that was going on until I happened upon it on your story Garret. Now it makes me want to try it. But with one word. Or an image. Can we post images in there? I can't remember.

Deloreans are supposedly going back into production.

Linton isn't gone, I see him on Youtube all the time cave diving. Apparently he found a bunch of treasure, like $500 million worth, that is being guarded at the airport in buckets because the Spaniards say it belongs to them.

@Clutch: Your name is so clutch. You and Hetch need to start a thread together. Clutch and Hetch. Starsky and Hutch. Ah, nevermind. Welcome on behalf of Dave.

@Ches: You stole the first part of my name. There is room for one and a half of us around here. Welcome.

@Renee Pickup: Welcome, make yourself at home.

@Drea: Hi there you intensive addict. No, that is good someone is learning how to write. Did you take Lidia's? How was it?

@Chris Davis: Hi there papal bull. Slapstick Zombie Biographies. Very interesting.

@ Otis the dog: Yo Dawg.

New people are the best because you don't know what their farts smell like yet.

 

 

 

Boone Spaulding's picture
Boone Spaulding from Coldwater, Michigan, U.S.A. is reading Solarcide Presents: Nova Parade February 23, 2012 - 6:49pm

This is a classic bit of "found humor"you can find at this McSweeney's link: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/comments-written-by-actual-students-e...

Comments Written By Actual Students Extracted From Workshopped Manuscripts at a Major University.

BY Tanya Rey

- - - -
 

“This character seems more like a retired librarian than a former terrorist.”

“Is this a typo or are you being experimental?”

“Maybe a little less time should be spent describing the Cheetos in this scene.”

“The jungle images and alien abduction seem to clash a bit here.”

“When this character says things like ‘my sweaty balls,’ he needs to say them more awkwardly.”

“I wonder if the sentence about killing pregnant women is too much, or if it should just be explained more.”

“There’s a lot of astral projection in this story.”

“You talk about pregnant raindrops and chaos and auditory canals and ‘the passing of time’ as ‘an orifice,’ when you could really just be talking about humidity and ears.”

“This character seems like a huge jerk for an otherwise savvy lady to bring home.”

“The one small area where I questioned the narrator’s voice was in the section about the bathtub when he explicitly mentioned his shriveled penis and his use of prostitutes.”

“Weren’t these characters hurting each other in the last version of this story? Bring back the violence!”

“Apes, aliens, then dead vampire family = too much Sci-Fi.”

“You should really think about what it’s like to find your daughter in bed with a butcher knife before you do the rewrite of this.”

“The rules of the game, the rules by which you’re breaking the rules, should be perfectly clear to the reader. In this story, they are not.”

“I love that everybody in this story has the same name, but it was a bit confusing.”

“There should be a moment of deep consciousness when this character is hit with the taser gun. Maybe he can recall having sex a few hours ago while being tased?”

“Normally I would assume that there was some kind of printing error, but since you’re messing around with other elements like that in this story I tried to figure out if it meant something, and if I was supposed to guess what was missing, and I couldn’t really come to any conclusions about it.”

“It’s your story, your voice, your choices, and I don’t want to question them, but why these words?”

“The problem is I have all these questions I don’t necessarily want you to answer for me. I raise these questions to let you know that there were questions, and if you had intended me to perceive the answers to any of them, I didn’t.”

“You probably don’t need about half of what’s written here.”

Chester Pane's picture
Chester Pane from Portland, Oregon is reading The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz February 23, 2012 - 6:55pm

“You talk about pregnant raindrops and chaos and auditory canals and ‘the passing of time’ as ‘an orifice,’ when you could really just be talking about humidity and ears.”

-LOVE

Brandon's picture
Brandon from KCMO is reading Made to Break February 23, 2012 - 7:14pm

**edit, so as to avoid conflict**

 

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human February 23, 2012 - 7:06pm

I specifically didn't want to her mentioned. My goal was not to attack anyone. I've spoken to her and she has sent Garrett her apologies.

I'm not attacking you either Brandon. I just want to avoid any conflict.

I don't want to derail anyone new and scare them into believing their reviews aren't good enough.

Just put effort and learn by example.

Nobody deserved that though.

 

Utah's picture
Moderator
Utah from Fort Worth, TX is reading Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry February 23, 2012 - 7:04pm

@Brandon:  Thanks for keeping it real. 

Ches Smith's picture
Ches Smith from Houston, TX February 23, 2012 - 7:04pm

@Chester - Ches is actually my full name, but people almost always assume it's Chester. I am also routinely referred to as Cheese, Checkers, Chez, and Chet.

Chester Pane's picture
Chester Pane from Portland, Oregon is reading The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz February 23, 2012 - 7:10pm

That is it, I am changing my name to Cheese.

Actually I think I am just going to peruse Boone's list from here on out in all of my reviews. Basically one of those will fit every story out there.

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human February 23, 2012 - 7:12pm

“There’s a lot of astral projection in this story.”

ReneeAPickup's picture
Class Facilitator
ReneeAPickup from Southern California is reading Wanderers by Chuck Wendig February 23, 2012 - 7:23pm

Fuck, I missed the thing Brandon apparently didn't say.

Brandon's picture
Brandon from KCMO is reading Made to Break February 23, 2012 - 7:27pm

I called out a bad review.  You didn't miss much.

Bekanator's picture
Bekanator from Kamloops, British Columbia is reading Ugly Girls by Lindsay Hunter February 23, 2012 - 7:35pm

Was it bad as in they didn't try hard enough, or bad as in they tried too hard to be an editor?

Brandon's picture
Brandon from KCMO is reading Made to Break February 23, 2012 - 7:37pm

It was bad like they only wrote one sentence suggesting a tense change.  So it was lazy bad.

Chester Pane's picture
Chester Pane from Portland, Oregon is reading The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz February 23, 2012 - 7:41pm

Rebecca? Anyone in mind? 

Now with all the publicity it has generated I almost wish I had wrote it.

Actually, and Rebecca can back me up on this, I actually gave her a very similar review, brevity wise, over at the Cult. Something like "What up!" 

But, no, I prefer the editor approach.

Bekanator's picture
Bekanator from Kamloops, British Columbia is reading Ugly Girls by Lindsay Hunter February 23, 2012 - 7:43pm

I figured I'd add in to the original forum topic, though.

When I was a part of the workshop at the Cult, most of my participation was in the Workshop, although it was hit and miss.  I'd spend a few weeks reviewing in the workshop, and then I'd submit a couple pieces and check out a month or two.  I didn't spend much time in the forums until just before LitReactor launched. 

Personally I find forums a bit...not "intimidating", but I guess it's the word I'd use.  If there's already a vibe going on between the active members, it can be intimidating in the aspect that it's hard to feel that your posts or discussion topics are worthy.  It's pretty much like real life: you have to impress enough to be liked, but not so opinionated that the members dismiss you immediately. 

Or you could just check out and not participate.  I guess the reason why I've stuck around here in the LitReactor forums is because I was here from the beginning.  I don't participate as much as others, but I think I've made enough posts in enough discussions that people get a general gist of who I am, not only in the forums, but in the workshop as well.  It's pretty neat.

Forums are pretty damn clique-y, though.  Not that it's a problem, but it's jarring for new members to click on a serious post about abortion, but by the time they decide to post their opinion it's already turned into a discussion about panda porn.

Bekanator's picture
Bekanator from Kamloops, British Columbia is reading Ugly Girls by Lindsay Hunter February 23, 2012 - 7:45pm

@Chester - I don't have anyone in mind, but there are just specific categories of bad, you know.  After you've posted five or so stories to the workshop you get a general gist of what those categories are.  Lazy bad is the worst, though.  I try to be constructive with my review-reviews, but with the lazy ones, I just don't even know how to go about it.

There was this guy at The Cult who went all big time press editor on one of my stories once.  You might remember him. He was pretty fun to deal with.

Chester Pane's picture
Chester Pane from Portland, Oregon is reading The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz February 23, 2012 - 7:46pm

Panda Porn in Mexico in an underwater cave with no air tanks. 

Brandon's picture
Brandon from KCMO is reading Made to Break February 23, 2012 - 7:47pm

My favorite is when some workshopper gets all super editor on you and tells you that your piece is nowhere close to ready, and then you get it published in Warmed and Bound.

Chester Pane's picture
Chester Pane from Portland, Oregon is reading The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz February 23, 2012 - 7:49pm

@Rebnation: I remember that big brawl. But that was the Cult. This is for civilized troglodytes.

I was just funnin' with you. Anyway, exact words in 'said review':

“It’s your story, your voice, your choices, and I don’t want to question them, but why these words?”

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human February 23, 2012 - 7:50pm

Seems like you guys had some really interesting people at The Cult. I keep hearing stories.

Chester Pane's picture
Chester Pane from Portland, Oregon is reading The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz February 23, 2012 - 7:51pm

@Tietz: Nice.

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human February 23, 2012 - 7:51pm

@Bekanator

You said panda porn earlier, but why those words?

Brandon's picture
Brandon from KCMO is reading Made to Break February 23, 2012 - 7:53pm

I thought The Cult was interesting at first, but that's only because it was my first forum experience.  The only time it got truly interesting was when people got banned and everyone started throwing little hissy fits.

PandaMask's picture
PandaMask from Los Angeles is reading More Than Human February 23, 2012 - 7:54pm

I wish I would have been there. Was The Cult free?

Jimothy Scott's picture
Jimothy Scott from Canada is reading The wise mans fear February 23, 2012 - 7:57pm

I wasn't on the cult long enough for the fights :(
@ same deal as here. Pay for the workshop