So, my grandmother died today. I took care of her for four years. She had Alzheimer's disease. As soon as I knew she was gone, I scribbled this down on a peice of paper. It wasn't planned or edited, and that is why I like it, but I don't want polite sympathy to taint an honest critique. Thoughts?
For Winona
See a grandmother through a child's eyes
And you know what magic is
They sweeten us with sugar
And grow us brighter than we ought be
With the absurdity that is blind love
But inevitability holds us to our dues
Draws lines on our faces and
Bends the spine, heads bowed
This picture of humility is just
A conspiracy of Time
and gravity
The headstone is a human innovation
To quiet the darkness of imagination
And blunt the permanence of death
But mountains and monuments erode
As they must
It can only be hoped
The brightest memories
Echo beyond our selves
I am happy.
I am.
I.
@EMGrayVT (don't know that I'll be around the site much today, but I can check my twitter). Thanks for any ideas/thoughts/time/consideration
Nice! I love the line "They grow us brighter than we ought to be." T hat sentence say so much about a loving grandparent. I like that you bow to inevitability. And I like the line about our brightest memories echo beyond ourselves. You use the word bright two times, but it fits great both places. lost my Dad last month and working on some things with that.
Not so fond of the "sweeten us with sugar" line... maybe seems too obvious? Second strophe is far and away your strongest, and it's really, really good. The ending isn't bad either, but could probably be a lot stronger than it is. I can't say I'm too fond of the innovation/imagination rhyme, but I do like the idea there as well.
Man... I haven't done much poetry lately. Which makes me a bit sad... but thank you for sharing, and I really am sorry for your loss. I was never very close to any of my grandparents, even though I always wanted to be. It sounds like you and your grandmother had a very worthwhile relationship, and that's an awesome thing to carry with you.
Thank you both.
@Covewriter Sorry for your loss. I only had a glance at what it is like to lose a parent after watching my mother lose both of hers. Creativity seems like a good way to cope.
@ Michael thanks for the ideas. There really isn't supposed to be any rhyme. I never liked poetry with rhyme. I just write without rules in an abstract way...that is the only reason I see value in poetry. This was just scribbled down on a sheet of paper very quickly so I hadn't had a chance to revise it. I don't know what direction it should go in.
It's an awesome start for just a scribble-down. I'm sure you'll find your way with it after you let it marinate a little.
And sorry, Cove, I must have blanked on your comment about your father. That's rough, I'm sorry to hear that. I lost mine a decade ago and not a day goes by I don't miss him horribly.
