Thought that would get your attention.
I've been here for a little while, lurking. I make music and I write and other than that, well, I drink a bit and sit around. I'm teaching my daughter how to read and she has the same sense of gumption that I do, so it's going slow. So sedentary lifestyle, books, music, films, the kid, that's about it.
I'm unemployed because of terrible decisions I've made in the past. As such, if you need a go-to for illegal activities, I'm your guy. And I'm bored. Hi.
Welcome aboard. I'm unemployed due to terrible past decisions too, so I already feel a bond with you. I imagine it sucks worse than it would to just be unemployed because you're unemployed, but I have no frame of reference.
If you need anyone to join you for crime, I'm down. As long as it pays.
Or even if it doesn't, I guess.
I stole the title from PCP man here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kHtVICLjz4
It works, though. He's the mad poet of the streets. Ice cubes and whatnot.
As an aspiring writer you don't make bad decisions you are just causing self inflicted inspiration, remember that and you'll be fine.
I'm about to go watch a movie so I will make this somewhat brief.
Matt, one of our finest community leaders here at the site, will first drop by to give you a welcome pic that will change your life. Once it's received we encourage you to write a piece of flash fiction about the picture and dedicate it to Matt for a new anthology we are putting together in his honor.
Then Avery will give you the sacred welcome meme, this makes you official. Once you have this we will start paying attention to you and treating you like your opinions matter.
Sincerely
Christopher Leonardo Donatello Michelangelo Raphael Davis M.D.
P.S. while you've been reading this Mike Riser was been in your house rubbing his beard on things.
For Matt Attack, who couldn't keep it up while we were watching Hostel
THE DREAM
She backed her car into the picture window in front of my house and I said what are you doing and she said children are involved and gave me drugs and she proceeded to try to find a vein in the back of her hand and I said meme, you know, what makes you so attractive is I can't tell your gender. Suddenly we were in a European discotheque in a back booth and there was an obscene lump in her panties and I said hey you said it was a tattoo of a dragon's tail, and she said well, Stieg liked it. Two anthropomorphic ants crawled out of her asshole and started dancing to Taxi by Harry Chapin. The glass dome shattered and oranges began to rain from the ceiling, effectively foreshadowing death. I said foreshadow, foreskin? She said waiter! Then there's a bunch of firefighters and Tim Robbins, they're all dancing and slipping on the oranges and the glass from the car and the picture window. A lion with a golden chain and aviator sunglasses dances on the equator, ago. He ate the ants. I said word? I took the briefcase and opened it in the hotel room and it was all funny money, so I tipped over the vase and she said what are you doing? We won't get our deposit back if you make a mess, and I said you're a hippie, what do you give a shit? Besides, it's a hotel room we don't have a deposit and your dog ate my fucking frisbee. So I shot her and ran down the stairs to the front desk and there was Tim Robbins and he said what condition is the room in? And I said there's a dead hippie up there. And he said crucified? I said word? He said well, most dead hippies get crucified here. Do we need to send firefighters and Stieg Larsson up? I said no, send a package of ants for her asshole. Rooney Mara dancing with a lion across the lobby and the chandelier is fine and the band is playing Taxi in a back booth. She came down with shot and blood falling out of her face and the vase over her anthole and tripped on the shot and landed on an orange. I asked for my check. Took her to the bar and the smell of iron from her blood and the lead was intermingling with patchouli and a frisbee fell out from under her dreadlocks and landed on an anthill effectively foreshadowing a picture through a car window. She said until I get my Harry Chapin autographed thimble. It's part of a set. Like a Julia set? She said that's what I thought. She left, taking Tim Robbins with her. He cried over his shoulder I told you, crucifixion, man. That's what does it for all the hippies. I said waiter! And all the dead apples rose from the earth in a field of blood...
Ok, I was promised breasts and ears... I got a delectibly suckable ear, thanks to avery, (and a very big thanks it is indeed), but the breasts were entirely disappointing. I mean, really, I can't handle the moobs.
And on a ginger note, give me Amy Adams over Christina Hendricks any day of the week, and twice on Sundays. Everyone going to church tends to make me extra horny.
Welcome, Chris J., I too have fallen into writing after being legally barred from my chosen profession, and voting for that matter - so I feel your pain. That is all I'm willing to feel though, so stop offering more and more money, you're just embarrassing the both of us.